This summer has been the best damn summer I have ever had since I was 11. One of the perks came on June 12, 2017, when a friend resurfaced to celebrate his 20th birthday. The next time I saw him, he pronounced nam myoho renge kyo correctly after I had shakabuku'ed him about 18 months earlier. Inside I was over the moon. On the 15th of June, he texted me saying that he was going to be my roommate for summer school. My overall response was, "This should be interesting." Turned out, my friend was a better person than ever before. As a roommate, he has been one of the most damn supportive roommates I have had in two years. Through chanting for his happiness, I realized that in spite of the 7 year age difference, the fact that I was an only child, and the zodiac sign difference (I'm Capricorn; he's Gemini), we really are alike in temperament, upbringing, and experiences. The only difference is how we express it.
He has supported me as I sought to find a way to stay in Atlanta for the summer. He helped calm me down when I would become frantic at the thought of going back to Macon, Georgia and live with my parents. I would become so frantic that I would claim that death would be better than to live with either them ever again. I even thought of ending it all should I had to live with them again. My friends in faith, him and qigong helped me to keep those moments of agitation at bay.
On the night of July 11, as the deadline approached, I had another episode. This time I could see myself telling my mother while she was driving, that I would rather die in an accident than go back to live with her. That's when I decided to write down how I was feeling. I did that and read it, and went, "Woah! If I was to end it all, how would that impact my roommate?" I looked over at him as he slept, and I thought, "That would devastate him and place another hell of a burden for him to overcome." Like that. Thinking about my roommate snapped me out of my frantic thinking and motivated me to choose life. I chanted to express gratitude for knowing him. I chanted to express gratitude that he was my roommate. And I cried tears of gratitude which woke him up. I told him what had happened and he suggested that I talked to housing. Before I put head to pillow, I chanted with determination to trust the Gohonzon, even if it meant living in Macon, GA, with my mother again. Two days later, after much chanting, I felt the urge to go talk to housing. I went and talked to the person in charge of housing, and she allowed me to stay on campus until school started. Afterwards, I at first went to my room and spent the first eight minutes crying because I was happy over the result, relieved, and grateful for my roommate. (Thanks Celine Dion and Christina Aguilera for your singles respectively "Because You Loved Me" and "I Turn to You").
My roommate is my best friend, and my "why". He motivates me to win in changing my painful past experiences into benefits. Because for every win I accrue, I am blazing a better trail. Because of him, I understand the purpose of having a "why" that goes beyond tangible benefits. Had it been up to me, I more than likely would have ended it all. I definitely consider this a benefit from all the chanting and the May 2017 contribution.
