I can't even believe that my winter vacation has passed and gone. I am such a far cry from where I was on November 17, 2017. Usually on the Friday before Thanksgiving, I tend to fall into a depression. This has been the case since 2005. That Friday in particular because it means that Thanksgiving is around the corner and eventually the Christmas holidays would be here. I am usually at my loneliest around Christmas time. Before Buddhism and the SGI, I did not have close friends outside of school. I would have distracted myself by escaping into the world of the stories that I am writing, watching holiday romantic comedies; however this time the depression was intense. Given my workaholic personality, I could not just go to sleep because I was depressed. Christmas tunes only saddened me more. Not even performing at an open mic made me feel better. When the host of the open mic told everyone to make a representation of how we felt, of all the things I wrote down, the most memorable are the Chinese characters 哭 and 為什麼？ over and over to my parents and to my life. Suddenly I remembered a title of President Daisaku Ikeda's lecture in The Heart of the Lotus Sutra. The lecture was titled 'Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo Is the Greatest Cause'. While I am not someone to simply act on a title alone, I figured, 'Well I don't have shit to lose.' So with several chanting nam myoho renge kyo videos on YouTube, I chanted throughout the night. I did not set a time goal. I just chanted until I was exhausted. That was my ritual for the next few days. Especially during the Thanksgiving holiday. During that time, I either ate, chanted, or read the letter 'on Attaining Buddhahood in This Lifetime' or President Ikeda's lecture on it until 11:00. Then I would watch a holiday movie or special on YouTube. I was really fascinated with the mirror analogy. That definitely motivated me to chant more and more in order to see my situation clearer. When the holiday was over, I had two projects to do and finals to prepare for. My main priority though was my emotional health. I was able to do my projects, prepare for finals, and even took up a Buddhist practice of Shakyo which is copying a sutra. I chose to copy chapters of the Lotus Sutra in traditional Chinese characters. I did it help my nerves and to see what benefits I could accrue. This is in accord the 19th and the 23rd chapter of the Lotus Sutra. Through the school, I was put in contact with an organization which helped me get a room in the city I was in. Unfortunately, the room was a day late and I had to spend a night at the homeless shelter. Shakyo and practicing for others (chanting for the other men there to overcome their problems, and even telling some of them about nam myoho renge kyo) helped me to not go into a conniption over my situation. Chanting for others in that fashion was an idea that I had gotten from a few women's division members at the time of the publication of the January 2005 Living Buddhism. The next day I was able to move into my place and met a fellow Buddhist. On day three I began to wake up with bites on my arms and my neck. Come to find out,. they were from bedbugs. My friend helped me to really clean the room and offered me an alternative space until I could treat my room. During that six day period, I noticed that she had an unpleasant experience with her own son; I went the hospital where I wasn't seen about until the next morning; and I had a dream of my future where both my parents and grandparents were dead. I chanted for the mending of my friend's relationship with her son. I shared nam myoho renge kyo with three people, two on the way to the hospital, and one at hospital. As a result of my practice, I came to understand that my issue with my blood family was with the paradigm of mistreatment that had been occurring and was still occurring. I was angry at the paradigm, the likelihood of it being repeated on a new generation, and fearful that it would not be changed. I let my mother know that, among other things, and we began to communicate more and more. On the 6th day when she asked if I wanted to come down to my grandparents' house for the remainder of the Christmas vacation, I said yes. Also on the 6th day, I got the medication to deal with my bites. I had a great vacation afterwards. Even though I slept on a palette instead of a bed; even though I was nearly two hours away from where I had begun practicing; I had a great vacation. 'There is no true happiness for human beings other than chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.'-Nichiren Daishonin, 'Happiness in the World' p. 681.
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Monday, August 14, 2017
Summer 2017
This has been the best summer I have had in 16 years. It began the moment my roommate from the previous school year moved out. By that time, I had already applied for summer housing, and had changed all my experiences from 2004 into a cause to embrace my inner nerd/dweeb. Without a roommate, I had full free rein to chant nam myoho renge kyo as long as I wanted. I was worried about how this summer would be for me. I did not know how I would pay for the housing. I did not know how I was going to live past the move out date. However there were two things that were certain. I did not want to live with either parent again. I did not want to live in Macon, Georgia again. With this in mind, I chanted to have faith that's twice the strength of an EF5 in order to overcome my doubts. I chanted to express gratitude in order to combat my tendency to complain. I chanted about what I wanted to happen in my future. I chanted to forgive so many people from my past who had offended me. This culminated in me chanting for 20-60 minutes a day. And sometimes I did 120 minutes. Going off of reading Tina Turner's biographies of how she chanted up to four hours a day after she had initially left Ike, I felt that I should have been chanting for up to three to fours a day. I just did not have the stamina. So I did Gongyo 2-x>2 times a day to try to get the same kind of clarity one would accrue from chanting for three to four hours a day.
Of course, I also studied. I read and reread many Gosho passages, President Daisaku Ikeda's writings, and Iyanla Vanzant's Peace From Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You're Going Through. The third book I had bought on an intuitive whim and read actively and damn near religiously. Through reading that book, I understood that my parents' homophobia, especially my mother's, had a damaging effect on my self-esteem, and my self-worth.
Even though it took two months, I was able to change all of my experiences from 2005 into a cause to be myself regardless of what anyone thought. It also motivated me to change the poisons of 2006-2008; 2010-2012; my experiences at my private school and with a teacher whose reviews are ambivalent, my experiences with the Nation of Islam, the Trayvon Martin case, the Millions More Movement experience, and all my homophobic experiences into causes for being myself, releasing my shame, and being enthusiastic for the 50K in 2018. Through changing the experiences with my parents into sources of benefit, I am now up for getting a job that I love, and repaying my debts of gratitude to my voice teacher who honored me more than my own father. That's why I am back in glee club. That's how I was able to forgive my parents. By forgive, I mean that I release my resentment.
Several Soka Gakkai International members who have had discourses with me are familiar with the fact that I sometimes talk about chanting inconspicuous Daimoku. Ever since I had read Nichiren Daishonin's "Letter to the Lay Priest Domyo" back in March 2016, I have incorporated it into my practice. (Inconspicuous Daimoku is chanting nam myoho renge kyo repeatedly with no goal in mind). I use it as a way to "polish my mirror". Through doing it, I realized that what connected my parents was the codependent parenting that they were both raised with. As a result, I was raised with it. And for most of my adulthood, I had a codependent relationship with my mother. So making the separation from my parents was not a bad move on my part.
In my last blog, I discussed my roommate at the time. He was one of the best roommates I have had. He motivated me to chant for someone other than myself, and to trust the Gohonzon. Because of him, and the Daimoku that I chanted, I was able to convince the person in charge of housing to let me stay in my room on campus until school started. I am a hell of a lot happier than I was before summer started. Even as I embark on another financial aid battle.
Of course, I also studied. I read and reread many Gosho passages, President Daisaku Ikeda's writings, and Iyanla Vanzant's Peace From Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You're Going Through. The third book I had bought on an intuitive whim and read actively and damn near religiously. Through reading that book, I understood that my parents' homophobia, especially my mother's, had a damaging effect on my self-esteem, and my self-worth.
Even though it took two months, I was able to change all of my experiences from 2005 into a cause to be myself regardless of what anyone thought. It also motivated me to change the poisons of 2006-2008; 2010-2012; my experiences at my private school and with a teacher whose reviews are ambivalent, my experiences with the Nation of Islam, the Trayvon Martin case, the Millions More Movement experience, and all my homophobic experiences into causes for being myself, releasing my shame, and being enthusiastic for the 50K in 2018. Through changing the experiences with my parents into sources of benefit, I am now up for getting a job that I love, and repaying my debts of gratitude to my voice teacher who honored me more than my own father. That's why I am back in glee club. That's how I was able to forgive my parents. By forgive, I mean that I release my resentment.
Several Soka Gakkai International members who have had discourses with me are familiar with the fact that I sometimes talk about chanting inconspicuous Daimoku. Ever since I had read Nichiren Daishonin's "Letter to the Lay Priest Domyo" back in March 2016, I have incorporated it into my practice. (Inconspicuous Daimoku is chanting nam myoho renge kyo repeatedly with no goal in mind). I use it as a way to "polish my mirror". Through doing it, I realized that what connected my parents was the codependent parenting that they were both raised with. As a result, I was raised with it. And for most of my adulthood, I had a codependent relationship with my mother. So making the separation from my parents was not a bad move on my part.
In my last blog, I discussed my roommate at the time. He was one of the best roommates I have had. He motivated me to chant for someone other than myself, and to trust the Gohonzon. Because of him, and the Daimoku that I chanted, I was able to convince the person in charge of housing to let me stay in my room on campus until school started. I am a hell of a lot happier than I was before summer started. Even as I embark on another financial aid battle.
Monday, July 17, 2017
An Unexpected Blessing
This summer has been the best damn summer I have ever had since I was 11. One of the perks came on June 12, 2017, when a friend resurfaced to celebrate his 20th birthday. The next time I saw him, he pronounced nam myoho renge kyo correctly after I had shakabuku'ed him about 18 months earlier. Inside I was over the moon. On the 15th of June, he texted me saying that he was going to be my roommate for summer school. My overall response was, "This should be interesting." Turned out, my friend was a better person than ever before. As a roommate, he has been one of the most damn supportive roommates I have had in two years. Through chanting for his happiness, I realized that in spite of the 7 year age difference, the fact that I was an only child, and the zodiac sign difference (I'm Capricorn; he's Gemini), we really are alike in temperament, upbringing, and experiences. The only difference is how we express it.
He has supported me as I sought to find a way to stay in Atlanta for the summer. He helped calm me down when I would become frantic at the thought of going back to Macon, Georgia and live with my parents. I would become so frantic that I would claim that death would be better than to live with either them ever again. I even thought of ending it all should I had to live with them again. My friends in faith, him and qigong helped me to keep those moments of agitation at bay.
On the night of July 11, as the deadline approached, I had another episode. This time I could see myself telling my mother while she was driving, that I would rather die in an accident than go back to live with her. That's when I decided to write down how I was feeling. I did that and read it, and went, "Woah! If I was to end it all, how would that impact my roommate?" I looked over at him as he slept, and I thought, "That would devastate him and place another hell of a burden for him to overcome." Like that. Thinking about my roommate snapped me out of my frantic thinking and motivated me to choose life. I chanted to express gratitude for knowing him. I chanted to express gratitude that he was my roommate. And I cried tears of gratitude which woke him up. I told him what had happened and he suggested that I talked to housing. Before I put head to pillow, I chanted with determination to trust the Gohonzon, even if it meant living in Macon, GA, with my mother again. Two days later, after much chanting, I felt the urge to go talk to housing. I went and talked to the person in charge of housing, and she allowed me to stay on campus until school started. Afterwards, I at first went to my room and spent the first eight minutes crying because I was happy over the result, relieved, and grateful for my roommate. (Thanks Celine Dion and Christina Aguilera for your singles respectively "Because You Loved Me" and "I Turn to You").
My roommate is my best friend, and my "why". He motivates me to win in changing my painful past experiences into benefits. Because for every win I accrue, I am blazing a better trail. Because of him, I understand the purpose of having a "why" that goes beyond tangible benefits. Had it been up to me, I more than likely would have ended it all. I definitely consider this a benefit from all the chanting and the May 2017 contribution.
He has supported me as I sought to find a way to stay in Atlanta for the summer. He helped calm me down when I would become frantic at the thought of going back to Macon, Georgia and live with my parents. I would become so frantic that I would claim that death would be better than to live with either them ever again. I even thought of ending it all should I had to live with them again. My friends in faith, him and qigong helped me to keep those moments of agitation at bay.
On the night of July 11, as the deadline approached, I had another episode. This time I could see myself telling my mother while she was driving, that I would rather die in an accident than go back to live with her. That's when I decided to write down how I was feeling. I did that and read it, and went, "Woah! If I was to end it all, how would that impact my roommate?" I looked over at him as he slept, and I thought, "That would devastate him and place another hell of a burden for him to overcome." Like that. Thinking about my roommate snapped me out of my frantic thinking and motivated me to choose life. I chanted to express gratitude for knowing him. I chanted to express gratitude that he was my roommate. And I cried tears of gratitude which woke him up. I told him what had happened and he suggested that I talked to housing. Before I put head to pillow, I chanted with determination to trust the Gohonzon, even if it meant living in Macon, GA, with my mother again. Two days later, after much chanting, I felt the urge to go talk to housing. I went and talked to the person in charge of housing, and she allowed me to stay on campus until school started. Afterwards, I at first went to my room and spent the first eight minutes crying because I was happy over the result, relieved, and grateful for my roommate. (Thanks Celine Dion and Christina Aguilera for your singles respectively "Because You Loved Me" and "I Turn to You").
My roommate is my best friend, and my "why". He motivates me to win in changing my painful past experiences into benefits. Because for every win I accrue, I am blazing a better trail. Because of him, I understand the purpose of having a "why" that goes beyond tangible benefits. Had it been up to me, I more than likely would have ended it all. I definitely consider this a benefit from all the chanting and the May 2017 contribution.
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Epiphany
One of the most interesting experiences I've had chanting nam myoho renge kyo, be it conspicuous chanting (chanting with a goal, desire, need, or feeling of gratitude in mind), or inconspicuous chanting (chanting without a goal,desire,need, or any thought in mind), is that sometimes I receive these intuitive ideas that sometimes result in epiphanies. So yesterday after chanting for x>20 minutes, I instinctively remembered Dr. Brene Brown on Oprah talking about how as a society we have lost our tolerance for vulnerability. As a result, joy has become foreboding. A few of the ways we do it is by numbing ourselves to vulnerability; not fully embracing those joyful moments with the people that we love, and dress rehearsing tragedy. I've had 10 years of practice in dress rehearsing tragedy ever since my paternal grandfather died.
Every time my mother or grandmother called since that day, the first things I have thought, without fail: either someone is hospitalized or someone dead. Especially if either my mother or grandmother had tried calling me several times and I was in class. Another way I dress rehearse tragedy is whenever someone I love or care about has went somewhere that should have taken a short and has been gone for hours. Heaven forbid that they give me a time of return. Because then I am damn sure timing them. And if they haven't returned by then, I'm thinking car accident, assault, abduction, or murder. So I contact them to make sure that they are alive.
Another less paranoid way that I've been dress rehearsing tragedy is not always embracing the moments I have with good friends. For years, I haven't always fully embraced good friends out of fear of a day when that friendship was to come to an end.
Thanks to Dr. Brown, I have learned a better way of dealing with that fear: gratitude. And I'm beginning to do that more for the people that I'm glad to know and have known. Thank you Dr. Brown. Thank you.
Every time my mother or grandmother called since that day, the first things I have thought, without fail: either someone is hospitalized or someone dead. Especially if either my mother or grandmother had tried calling me several times and I was in class. Another way I dress rehearse tragedy is whenever someone I love or care about has went somewhere that should have taken a short and has been gone for hours. Heaven forbid that they give me a time of return. Because then I am damn sure timing them. And if they haven't returned by then, I'm thinking car accident, assault, abduction, or murder. So I contact them to make sure that they are alive.
Another less paranoid way that I've been dress rehearsing tragedy is not always embracing the moments I have with good friends. For years, I haven't always fully embraced good friends out of fear of a day when that friendship was to come to an end.
Thanks to Dr. Brown, I have learned a better way of dealing with that fear: gratitude. And I'm beginning to do that more for the people that I'm glad to know and have known. Thank you Dr. Brown. Thank you.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
Even a Loss Possesses Gain
So sadly I did not accrue enough funds to attend and stay in summer school. It wasn't from lack of effort though like two years ago. In fact, two years ago, I would've thought, "Well that was a bust." To day, I know it wasn't a bust. I'm actually proud of myself. I'm proud of myself for choosing to assiduously chant everyday not only for the funds, but to also challenge my doubt; to challenge my feelings of not being worthy; to change years of poison, which stagnated my growth, into medicine; to express gratitude in complaint's stead. I'm proud of myself for choosing to chant, choosing to study Gosho passages, and choosing to participate in Soka Gakkai International activities, as opposed to just sleeping, chatting on Facebook, and watching YouTube videos all day (basically living Bruno Mars' "Lazy Day" song).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLexgOxsZu0
Through my efforts, I gained benefits such as a new phone charger when my old one was failing, and such as understanding how I wasted a good portion of my youth holding on to a toxic relationship because I was afraid of failure Also, excerpts of Nichiren Daishonin's words were reinforced into my life. The one that sticks out is, "When a tree has been transplanted, though fierce winds may blow, it will not topple if it has a firm stake to hold it up. But even a tree that has grown up in place will fall over if its roots are weak. Even a feeble person will not stumble if those supporting him are strong, but a person of considerable strength, when alone, may fall down on an uneven path." WND-1, 598.
What that means is that in Nichiren Buddhism, there are no Optimus Prime's. There is no Team of Me. (Sorry Roscoe Jenkins). In the past few days, this Gosho passage was especially corroborated in the past few days. I would suffer anxiety attacks so bad that I had to chant to calm down. I was so saddened by the prospect of going back to Macon, that I had to chant to not throw in the towel on myself and my faith. Twice I had reached a point of frantic where I claimed that death would be better than to go back to live in Macon, Georgia. I cannot thank my friends in faith Isaiah and Koichi for encouraging me.
Also, even though I am no longer in summer school, I am in summer housing. So I can still be around my kosen rufu family. That's more important than summer school. If I could give my 25-year-old self a message, it would be this:
It wasn't a bust. This Buddhist practice is to help people become truly happy in their lifetime. It's not to just solely be your cosmic Geoffrey from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air; or your Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody; or your Benson. In fact, having tangible things don't ensure lasting happiness. If it did, the Lemp family name would not have contained four suicides. I am happier now than I was on May 13, 2017 when I embarked on this undertaking. And just like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, I give myself a self-five.
By the way, as you embark on this faith, I would strongly advise you to read, re-read, and re-read Nichiren Daishonin's "Letter to Lay Priest Domyo". Read it until the pages fall apart. Then get another volume 1 and read it over and over until you understand that your prayers steer you in the direction of happiness either way the situation turns out. Do not for intellectual purposes. Read it for guidance in faith.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLexgOxsZu0
Through my efforts, I gained benefits such as a new phone charger when my old one was failing, and such as understanding how I wasted a good portion of my youth holding on to a toxic relationship because I was afraid of failure Also, excerpts of Nichiren Daishonin's words were reinforced into my life. The one that sticks out is, "When a tree has been transplanted, though fierce winds may blow, it will not topple if it has a firm stake to hold it up. But even a tree that has grown up in place will fall over if its roots are weak. Even a feeble person will not stumble if those supporting him are strong, but a person of considerable strength, when alone, may fall down on an uneven path." WND-1, 598.
What that means is that in Nichiren Buddhism, there are no Optimus Prime's. There is no Team of Me. (Sorry Roscoe Jenkins). In the past few days, this Gosho passage was especially corroborated in the past few days. I would suffer anxiety attacks so bad that I had to chant to calm down. I was so saddened by the prospect of going back to Macon, that I had to chant to not throw in the towel on myself and my faith. Twice I had reached a point of frantic where I claimed that death would be better than to go back to live in Macon, Georgia. I cannot thank my friends in faith Isaiah and Koichi for encouraging me.
Also, even though I am no longer in summer school, I am in summer housing. So I can still be around my kosen rufu family. That's more important than summer school. If I could give my 25-year-old self a message, it would be this:
It wasn't a bust. This Buddhist practice is to help people become truly happy in their lifetime. It's not to just solely be your cosmic Geoffrey from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air; or your Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody; or your Benson. In fact, having tangible things don't ensure lasting happiness. If it did, the Lemp family name would not have contained four suicides. I am happier now than I was on May 13, 2017 when I embarked on this undertaking. And just like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother, I give myself a self-five.
By the way, as you embark on this faith, I would strongly advise you to read, re-read, and re-read Nichiren Daishonin's "Letter to Lay Priest Domyo". Read it until the pages fall apart. Then get another volume 1 and read it over and over until you understand that your prayers steer you in the direction of happiness either way the situation turns out. Do not for intellectual purposes. Read it for guidance in faith.
Friday, June 16, 2017
Difficulty Should Not Lead to Defeatism
President Ikeda is quoted saying, "One of my favorite Argentine poets, the great educator Almafuerte (1854-1917), wrote 'To the weak, difficulty is a closed door. To the strong, however, it is a door waiting to be opened.' Difficulties impede the progress of those who are weak. For the strong, however, they are opportunities to open wide the doors to a bright future. Everything is determined by our attitude, by our resolve. Our heart is what matters most." I usually don't start a blog post with an Ikeda quote, however, today, after intermittent chanting that culminated in a total of 13 minutes, I read this quote and it caused me to reflect. As an adult, I did not have a strong faith in myself. As a result, I allowed the difficulties of money, rejection, other people's opinions, and my past impede my growth. The consequences were significant. To those who are 18-22, the best advice I can give you, as well as myself, is to have, and if you don't have, develop a strong belief in yourself. This is how I'm doing it. This summer, I have been chanting diligently over things that I need; things I want; past experiences that I need to convert into medicine; to be a better YMD leader of my district; to forgive a list of people stretching back into the early millenium; and to express gratitude. A lot of my determinations seem daunting because there is a canyon between where I am and where I want to be. However whenever doubt arises, I stop everything, and I chant to have faith that is twice the strength of an EF5 (Enhanced category-5 tornado). This is the power of an EF5
Through chanting to have faith twice that strength I shatter my doubts and with that, I proceed with my determinations. And there are some mornings when I want to ask the god awful question of, "Why me?" It either passes when I do Gongyo (chant nam myoho renge kyo and recite passages from the Lotus Sutra in Japanese), or read or remember this passage from Nichiren Daishonin's letter, "The Opening of the Eyes":
"Although I and my disciples may encounter various difficulties, if we do not harbor doubts in our hearts, we will as a matter of course attain Buddhahood. Do not have doubts simply because heaven does not lend you protection. Do not be discouraged because you do not enjoy an easy and secure existence in this life. This is what I have taught my disciples morning and evening, and yet they begin to harbor doubts and abandon their faith. Foolish men are likely to forget the promises they made when the crucial moment comes."
WND-1, 283
As I write this Gosho quote, I am reminded of all the times I used to bemoan my existence and my estate. Doing that definitely helped to weaken my belief in myself and stunt my growth. So for everyone, including myself, let's not let our difficulties stagnate us. Personally, the last thing I want is to be in my 50s, with unfilled ambitions, and more excuses than a pregnant nun.
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Forgiveness: An Ongoing Battle
This is not going to be a victory. I'm just sharing this with you all in the hopes that maybe it will assist you in your life, as well as myself. I have been chanting nam myoho renge kyo with determination to forgive parents for some time now. As I do so, I have to constantly remind myself of the real definition of forgiveness. For those who don't know, forgiveness really means to let go of the resentment. In a nutshell. Let go of the resentment. Forgiveness is not saying that what someone did to you was okay. It was never a way of saying that what somebody did was okay.
For over a decade, I have heard so many blacks criticize other black people for being forgiving. Especially if the assailant was white. I even heard it from my own mother. However, through chanting nam myoho renge kyo to forgive my parents, and several other people from my past, I am beginning to think a hell of a lot clearer. This is quite evidential of Nichiren Daishonin's writings when he wrote "A mind now clouded by the illusions of the innate darkness of life is like a tarnished mirror, but when polished, it is sure to become like a clear mirror, reflecting the essential nature of phenomena and the true aspect of reality. Arouse deep faith, and diligently polish your mirror day and night. How should you polish it? Only by chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo." (WND-1, 4).
For those critics, and myself because I'd internalized it, forgiveness is not weak. Forgiveness is strong. The opposite of forgiveness is resentment, or as some would call it bitterness. Resentment (Bitterness) is not strong. It's self-inflicted poison. It poisons your relationships. It wrecks your health. It alienates the people in your life. Notice that I am saying your life. It's not wrecking your assailant(s)' lives. It's wrecking your life.
For those of you who are religious, resentment (bitterness) restricts your manifold benefits (blessings) to trinkets. As far health goes, when you are resentful (bitter), that's you dealing with headaches, ulcers, colitis, constipation, hypertension, insomnia, etc. As far as relationships go, not just romantic, but also platonic, people usually don't like being around resentful people. I lived with one for 27 years, which speaks volumes to my tendency to be resentful (bitter). Growing up, whenever I had an issue with friendships, I felt that I could not go to that person for advice. I could, but after listening to them talk about other interpersonal related issues, the last thing I wanted was a vitriolic, toughen up, to hell with them kind of message. (Side note: for those who are parents, there are children who have extra sensory perception, and they can and will pick up on your virulence. I was one of those.).
For "activists", especially pro-blacks, resentment (bitterness) will poison your initiatives. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have read many pro-black comments and posts, listened to pro-black vlogs and lectures that turned out to be defeatist whiny ass manifestos. The good ones laid blame on black LGBT, and black women who did not look like a 1974 Angela Davis. And the best ones had conspiracy theories. Maybe this is corroborative of the fact that resentment (bitterness) just gives you an excuse to shift the blame for your misery.
Also activists, your resentment (bitterness) will keep you from changing poison into medicine. Before the late Mamie Till-Mobley, mother of Emmett Till, had made the decision to have her son's battered and mangled 14-year-old corpse exposed for the world to see what had happened to him, she had to forgive Roy Bryant and J.W. Milam. She said so at her last appearance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q3ZOCjkEwY&t=55s
While it never brought Emmett back, or took away the vicious assault he suffered on the basis of a lie, Mamie was able to go on with her life and influence so many young people as a teacher. And her decision was the catalyst for the Civil Rights movement to really score victories for African Americans in the U.S.A. That's an activist move for you.
For me personally, resentment has caused me to take for granted opportunities that came my way. It was another reason why my growth in my early to mid-twenties were restricted. Just so you all know, resentment is not a shield against future hurts. It just robs you of future opportunities. You will find yourself being the person Greyson Chance was singing about in his song "Waiting Outside the Lines".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AU1yyy_At4
And as I write this blog, the Iyanla Vanzant quote is really validated, "There is no greater battle in life than the battle between the parts of you that want to be healed and the parts of you that are comfortable and content being broken."
For those who still wish to contend that forgiveness is bunk and for the weak after reading this, well that's your choice. However I think both of our lives are far too great to allow atrophy to set in because we were too stubborn to change.
For over a decade, I have heard so many blacks criticize other black people for being forgiving. Especially if the assailant was white. I even heard it from my own mother. However, through chanting nam myoho renge kyo to forgive my parents, and several other people from my past, I am beginning to think a hell of a lot clearer. This is quite evidential of Nichiren Daishonin's writings when he wrote "A mind now clouded by the illusions of the innate darkness of life is like a tarnished mirror, but when polished, it is sure to become like a clear mirror, reflecting the essential nature of phenomena and the true aspect of reality. Arouse deep faith, and diligently polish your mirror day and night. How should you polish it? Only by chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo." (WND-1, 4).
For those critics, and myself because I'd internalized it, forgiveness is not weak. Forgiveness is strong. The opposite of forgiveness is resentment, or as some would call it bitterness. Resentment (Bitterness) is not strong. It's self-inflicted poison. It poisons your relationships. It wrecks your health. It alienates the people in your life. Notice that I am saying your life. It's not wrecking your assailant(s)' lives. It's wrecking your life.
For those of you who are religious, resentment (bitterness) restricts your manifold benefits (blessings) to trinkets. As far health goes, when you are resentful (bitter), that's you dealing with headaches, ulcers, colitis, constipation, hypertension, insomnia, etc. As far as relationships go, not just romantic, but also platonic, people usually don't like being around resentful people. I lived with one for 27 years, which speaks volumes to my tendency to be resentful (bitter). Growing up, whenever I had an issue with friendships, I felt that I could not go to that person for advice. I could, but after listening to them talk about other interpersonal related issues, the last thing I wanted was a vitriolic, toughen up, to hell with them kind of message. (Side note: for those who are parents, there are children who have extra sensory perception, and they can and will pick up on your virulence. I was one of those.).
For "activists", especially pro-blacks, resentment (bitterness) will poison your initiatives. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have read many pro-black comments and posts, listened to pro-black vlogs and lectures that turned out to be defeatist whiny ass manifestos. The good ones laid blame on black LGBT, and black women who did not look like a 1974 Angela Davis. And the best ones had conspiracy theories. Maybe this is corroborative of the fact that resentment (bitterness) just gives you an excuse to shift the blame for your misery.
Also activists, your resentment (bitterness) will keep you from changing poison into medicine. Before the late Mamie Till-Mobley, mother of Emmett Till, had made the decision to have her son's battered and mangled 14-year-old corpse exposed for the world to see what had happened to him, she had to forgive Roy Bryant and J.W. Milam. She said so at her last appearance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q3ZOCjkEwY&t=55s
While it never brought Emmett back, or took away the vicious assault he suffered on the basis of a lie, Mamie was able to go on with her life and influence so many young people as a teacher. And her decision was the catalyst for the Civil Rights movement to really score victories for African Americans in the U.S.A. That's an activist move for you.
For me personally, resentment has caused me to take for granted opportunities that came my way. It was another reason why my growth in my early to mid-twenties were restricted. Just so you all know, resentment is not a shield against future hurts. It just robs you of future opportunities. You will find yourself being the person Greyson Chance was singing about in his song "Waiting Outside the Lines".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AU1yyy_At4
And as I write this blog, the Iyanla Vanzant quote is really validated, "There is no greater battle in life than the battle between the parts of you that want to be healed and the parts of you that are comfortable and content being broken."
For those who still wish to contend that forgiveness is bunk and for the weak after reading this, well that's your choice. However I think both of our lives are far too great to allow atrophy to set in because we were too stubborn to change.
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