As a member of SGI, one of the messages that is prevalent is following the heart. I remember that Les Brown said that whenever there is a conflict between the heart and the mind, go with your heart. I am currently faced with this conflict.
I am having financial aid difficulties. I don't know how I'm going to pay it. I am applying for scholarships. My mother believes that my needs will be met if I would submit to the Abrahamic god.
It is a tempting thing, but it conflicts with my heart. Earlier this morning, mom called me and it weighed on me. Then before I did my Daimoku session, I meditated on my heart and the way to go. I put up mental images of the Christian flag, the Nation Of Islam flag, and a statue of the Buddha, and my heart was a traveler. My heart chose Buddhism, then Nichiren Buddhism.
Once I was done meditating, I was determined more than ever to follow my heart. I remembered how my life spiraled downward the last time I had given up chanting because I was afraid of eternal retribution. I remembered how much I suffered.
My financial aid situation is still uncertain. My mother still cares about me doing the desert god's will a hell of a lot more than my happiness. But one thing is for certain. I'm following my heart. Whatever the cost, because the cost of not following my heart will be a hell of a lot more painful, and a hell of a lot more steep.
I will never get back those years that I lost between 2010 and August of 2013. I will never get a chance to redo my Norfolk State experience. But I am grateful that I woke up and that it only cost me three years and not three decades.
I am grateful that I still have a chance to attain Buddhahood and happiness in my lifetime. And I am grateful that I became more determined to follow my heart.
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