I wanted to do this blog after my financial aid situation was resolved; however, I don't know how long that will take and school has already started. In May of 2016, before I went home, I intuitively bought two books, Faith Into Action, and The Opening of the Eyes. Upon arriving home, I restarted the process of chanting for the happiness of the students who mistreated me in high school, and for the happiness of two people who had rejected me. I realized that what had happened was a result of my own thoughts and my homophobia at the time. Also, I shakabuku'ed more people from high school. As a result of my assiduous faith, practice, and study, on June 4, 2016, I made peace with my high school experience.
June 6, 2016,
Today was move in day for summer school. I had enough money on my Higher One card to pay for summer school. The problem was that customers could only swipe a few hundred dollars a day, and my summer school bill was in the thousands. I talked with Mr. Melson in Student Accounts, he insisted that I call the company. He even gave me a number to call them by. I called, and was able to get in contact with a representative. I told her my situation, and she said that she will see if there can be an exemption for me. As I waited, I chanted for it. When she returned, I found out that I received the exemption. I was able to pay for summer school.
Summer school, I was for the most part assiduous with my chanting of Daimoku for 30-40 minutes everyday. I chanted to be the best student that I could be. Also, I did so many shakabukus in person and by Facebook. However, I felt lonely because unlike some of my neighbors, I did not have a roommate. It was just me in a two bed room. I did not have anyone who would say to me, "Let's go ..."
June 12, 2016.
Early that morning, I had decided to go to the Regional Study Meeting at the Atlanta Buddhist Center. Sadly, this was the same day that I had heard about the carnage at a gay club in Orlando, Florida. Anyway, at the center, I did Gongyo, which is a customary practice before any event. I made a conscious effort to do inconspicuous Daimoku because I wanted to see my life clearly. (It's something that I began doing ever since I had read Nichiren's "Letter to the Lay Priest Domyo" back in March). When I did it, I began to see that I had an issue with working with people because of my need for control. So I chanted to overcome my need for control. As a result, I learned that changing places of persecution into the Buddha Land meant that at the places of persecution, your Buddha nature comes to the fore. Also, I began to interact with my neighbors a little bit more, and I started going to tozos.
June 27, 2016,
I read on Facebook about the murder of the 23-year-old rapper Lor'Scoota of Baltimore. What made this one stick out to me was the fact that Lor'Scoota had been murdered right after he had volunteered at a basketball game for peace. I was truly troubled, however this time I chanted with determination to do what I could do to stop the violence. As a result, I created the blog post "Daimoku in Relation to Black America" as a method of shakabuku. After I created the post, and put it in circulation, I was attacked by the devil king of the sixth heaven which manifested in terms of depression after a conversation with one of my neighbors that exposed a dark part of my past. Even though my neighbors seemed to understand that I am not a bad person, just introverted, and greatly misunderstood because social interactions are still a difficult thing for me, my depression persisted until the next morning. That Tuesday, after some chanting to get through the depression, I decided to chant with determination to overcome the funk. I came out of it, and I had a human revolution. For two years, I thought that if I was to foray into a singing career, I would end up like Amy Winehouse or Janis Joplin. I realized that that does not have to be the case for me.
July 5-9, 2016,
That was a contentious week. As a result, I made a vow to become the happiest person at Morehouse. I made this vow because if I can become happy, then I can help other students do the same. I don't want another young black soul to make the same mistake I made when I was 18, which was give in to fear. When I was 18, the country had went into a recession. That shattered the hope that I had of getting the HOPE scholarship, getting a free ride through college, finding a sustainable job, and moving out of where I lived and into a better life. As a result, I hesitated in getting my Bachelor's degree for years. In relation to that week in 2016, I don't want another young 18-year-old to despair, give up on themselves, and succumb to their hardships. I can tell you from experience, it's a growth stunting move.
Also, on July 7, I realized that I had resentment against my parents that I needed the release. So I chanted with determination to overcome that resentment. It went on until Saturday and by that time I was emotionally exhausted. However, I found the courage to tell my mother that I wanted to get tested for Asperger's. Also, I found the courage to reach out to my dad and tell him everything that I wanted to tell him for eight years. Our talk later on that day was good.
In the midst of the contentious week, I finished summer school and I had a great relationship with my neighbors. On July 15, I went back home. There, I continued chanting, studying, and shakabukuing. Ever since August 15, I have been embroiled in a financial aid battle. I have been doing two hour commutes from home to school. The only bright side is that I am handling this a hell of a lot better than last year when I was near suicidal. Patience is still a constant struggle. I'm not willing to give up though. I am still chanting to win. And as the final purge day approaches, I am chanting and studying the Living Buddhisms. Specifically, the August 2015 edition, and the June 2016 edition. I must win. In order my life to move forward, in order to prove the validity of Daimoku, and in order to fulfill my vow.
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