Realization Inundation #2

I write these blogs in the hopes that maybe my experiences in faith will help someone else in their Buddhist practice, or maybe encourage others to take faith in chanting nam myoho renge kyo.  So today before my Chinese class, I had another realization.  For a long time, I thought that my unique character was a curse, because most of the narratives of unique people that I had read about turned out to have tragic endings.  People like W. A. Mozart, John Lennon, Janis Joplin, etc.  So for years, I had despised my existence.  I hated myself for not being like everyone else.  I hated myself for my nature.  So I did not believe that I deserved to be happy;  that I deserved a great romantic relationship; that i deserved a sense of fulfillment; that I deserved to be loved; that I deserved a good life; that I deserved a happy ending.  How tragic!  To spend so many years slandering my Buddha nature.  Now I understand what the World Honored One meant in the 16th chapter of The Lotus Sutra when he talked about the children being so sick and so delusional that they rejected his medicine.  Ignorace is one hell of a poison.