A NonBuddhist Life

Q: Do you ever wonder where you would be if you had not begun practicing Nichiren Buddhism?
A:  I don't need to wonder.  I have a good clue where I would be and it is horrible.  Without Buddhism, I would have resumed my comfort eating habits whenever I felt lonely and depressed. I would still be a Music Major, and a miserable and disappointed one at that.  See, in Atlanta, there are a lot of musical acts seeking to get a record deal.  Now, I would have, in time, gotten a deal, and probably would have become a famous musical act.  But I would have been a very lonely old man.  When I watch biographies on several famous acts like Janis Joplin, Judy Garland, Cass Elliott, David Ruffin, and how portions of their life mirror my own, and also, the proclivity for addiction runs in my family, I know that I would have turned to drugs.  Of course not heroin because I'm scared of needles. Not cocaine because I have a fear of strokes and brain hemorrhages.  Nothing smoked because I value my ability to breathe.  But definitely alcohol and pills.  Without Nichiren Buddhism and nam myoho renge kyo, all of my fears of failure, all of my insecurities, and my pain would have caught up with me and I would have died a forlorn soul.

Chanting for Other People's Happiness=Changing Poison Into Medicine

This is a silly question, but has someone ever hurt you in your life?  If so, is the pain of the slight still fresh in your mind?  Well, I can relate.  I have been carrying around years of pain from people who hurt my feelings in one way or another.  This year, my friend and fellow Bodhisattva of the Earth Heather Brewer suggested that I chant for the happiness of someone who had hurt me.  I had started, but had stopped because the change was not coming as fast as I wanted it to come.  Then on November 24, 2015, I had decided to chant to change myself so that my life, family harmony, and  finances would improve.  I found myself sharing my Buddhist practice with more people around me, even my own family.  Also, I began to chant for other people's happiness again.  Then a few days ago, another friend and fellow Bodhisattva of the Earth Patricia assured me that chanting for people's happiness alleviates people's pain.  So today, I was chanting for the happiness of someone who had hurt me 4 years ago and I had a moment of enlightenment or aha moment.  Chanting for the happiness of those who hurt you is an example of changing poison into medicine. You are in essence taking all of those negative emotions of sadness, anger, acrimony, and hatred and turning them into impetuses for your growth and happiness.  Instead of hurting you and causing you to suffer, these negative emotions benefit you.   So for all those who were hurt by someone, let's chant nam myoho renge kyo for that individual's happiness for at least one minute a day.

Chanting for Things

Many of us were told that through Nichiren Buddhism, we can chant for things and get them.  Well that is true. A lot of Buddhists feel that this poses a contradiction to the 4 Noble Truths. I understand.  Have you heard that earthly desires lead to enlightenment?  Well that does happen. I realized that this year.
I struggled to acquire the funds that I needed not only to attend Morehouse College, but to stay on campus.  I had chanted for those things for a long time.I found myself becoming frustrated because I was wondering when will the breakthrough come?  Will the breakthrough come?
Then on the Saturday before my Daimoku Anniversary, I went to a SGI study meeting and we studied the lecture segment of the August 2015 edition of The Living Buddhism. After that section, and reading it for myself, I realized that I was a Bodhisattva of the Earth, and as a Bodhisattva of the Earth, I chose my life  to show the strength of the Mystic Law.  I had heard that before somewhat from Carlton Pearson via his Streaming Consciousness videos on Youtube about a year ago. I initially dismissed his claims that we chose to be here because I thought, "Who the hell would choose to be born into a hardscrabble life?"
After studying that lecture part though, I understood.  Also, I realized that everytime I said that I did not ask to be born, I slandered my Bodhisattva vow.  After that meeting and spark of enlightenment, I went back to Morehouse College financial aid office that Wednesday and was given enough money to be a fulltime student.  However I did not have enough money to live on campus.  That meant having to do 4 hour commutes in order to attend Morehouse College daily from my home in Macon, Georgia.  It would take me 2 hours to get to school, and at the end of the day, 2 hours to get back home.
I refused to settle for that.  I chanted to be able to live on campus.  I was chanting going to school, going to class, and going back home.  My mother said that the 2 hour commute might be my life for that school year.  I was not accepting that.  We were broke.  It was an exhausting thing for me, and a financial drain on her.  Also, I felt as though I deserved to be able to live on campus.  With my grades, work ethic, and character.  Hell yes I deserved it. There were times that doubt crept in, but I fought back against it.
The commute lasted a week.  I kept my faith through studying The Living Buddhism lectures.  When I read the May 2015 edition, I realized that before Buddhism, I had never been a happy person.  Then yesterday morning, before I left home, I read the SGI story of Barbara E. Jenkins.  Following her example, I chanted to take 100% responsibility for my happiness.  Afterwards, I realized that even though I had stopped blaming people for my unhappiness, I had been blaming my circumstances.  My circumstances were not totally great. Hell they were rather inconveniencing, but they were not the reason that I was unhappy.  I realized that I am truly responsible for my happiness.
That Friday, I went about my day, checking on financial aid, and housing options.  At the end of the day, I was awarded enough money to live on campus. I credit nam myoho renge kyo.
Now, I also realize how earthly desires lead to enlightenment, and the purpose of struggling for those earthly desires.  Also, I realize the while kosen rufu is a main objective, so is our human revolution. If only our external life changed, but our internal life, we would never become happy.  Also, this experience has shown me the need to follow my heart in situations like this. The mind operates on logic and in many aspects, it's great.  However in situations when I don't know what's going to happen, my mind goes into frantic mode.  However my heart does not panic.  Rather it knows.  Here's to a year of lessons and breakthroughs.

My Second Anniversary

Today marks my 2nd Daimoku Anniversary.  On this day, I decided to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo daily.  Not only have I stuck with it, but I received my Gohonzon on April 5, 2015.  Here is one benefit I have received: NO MORE SLUMP DAYS.  A lot of people come to class or work on Mondays still in a slump.  I would come to class ready and with a lion's gaze.  I am a lot more confident in my future and I know that my fear does not have to be a reality. It's only if I allow it to be my reality.  I know that I will be okay.  I have begun to listen to both my mind and my heart.  This is something that took some doing after a college change I had went bust one time.  I have endeavors to get my Bachelor's Degree in Sociology from Morehouse College; to attend graduate school, though I do not know where yet; to pursue a career in journalist; to write novels; to go from being an okay singer to a legitimate singer; to be a yoga instructor; and to learn Tai Chi as martial arts. I also wish to find love.
It has been quite a journey these past 2 years and I know that it's only begun.  However, this journey to happiness is NOT for the faint of heart.  It is for those who are willing to challenge their fears, their doubts, and take risks.   It is for those who are willing to persevere until they prevail.
As an adult, I've always marveled at the idea of being spiritual and Buddhism answered that desire.  However it was through Nichiren Buddhism that I discovered REAL spirituality,  Once upon a time, my thinking was that of a voice hearer on some days, and cause-awakened one on the good days. Voice hearers are those who begin to seek happiness and enlightenment through what other people's teachings.  Cause-awakened ones seek happiness and enlightenment through their own experience.  I am now on the level of bodhisattva.  Bodhisattvas seek enlightenment and happiness not only for themselves, but for others as well.  They have enormous compassion for other people.
I am so damn glad that I made that decision to chant nam myoho renge kyo.  My outlook on life has become clearer and more optimistic.  If you want to learn about Nichiren Buddhism, I suggest that you check the website nammyohorengekyo.org.  If you are interested in practicing it, then check out this website and chant this mantra with me:
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo

Follow Your Heart

As a member of SGI, one of the messages that is prevalent is following the heart.  I remember that Les Brown said that whenever there is a conflict between the heart and the mind, go with your heart.  I am currently faced with this conflict.
 I am having financial aid difficulties.  I don't know how I'm going to pay it.  I am applying for scholarships.  My mother believes that my needs will be met if I would submit to the Abrahamic god.
It is a tempting thing, but it conflicts with my heart. Earlier this morning, mom called me and it weighed on me.  Then before I  did my Daimoku session, I meditated on my heart and the way to go.  I put up mental images of the Christian flag, the Nation Of Islam flag, and a statue of the Buddha, and my heart was a traveler.  My heart chose Buddhism, then Nichiren Buddhism.
Once I was done meditating, I was determined more than ever to follow my heart.  I remembered how my life  spiraled downward the last time I had given up chanting because I was afraid of eternal retribution.  I remembered how much I suffered.
My financial aid situation is still uncertain.  My mother still cares about me doing the desert god's will a hell of a lot more than my happiness.  But one thing is for certain.  I'm following my heart.  Whatever the cost, because  the cost of not following my heart will be a hell of a lot more painful, and a hell of a lot more steep.
I will never get back those years that I lost between 2010 and August of 2013.  I will never get a chance to redo my Norfolk State experience.  But I am grateful that I woke up and that it only cost me three years and not three decades.
I am grateful that I still have a chance to attain Buddhahood and happiness in my lifetime.  And I am grateful that I became more determined to follow my heart.

Awakening to Mission

In 2014, I did something that shocked so many people who knew me.  I switched my major from Music to Sociology.  One of the reasons was because I was tired.  I had been a Music major off and on for 5 years and in 2014, I was 24 years old and ensembles were so lackluster by then.  I could not understand it until I talked to a lady who sang and used to be a Music major in her younger years.  She helped me realize that what had happened was age.  As you get older, you realize that there is more to life than just singing in choir and touring. That's what happened to me.  I got older and found being a Music major to be really time consuming, especially as a member of the Morehouse College Glee Club where I was Baritone Choir II under the direction of Dr. David E. Morrow.
There was another factor in that decision though.  Even though I had only been chanting Daimoku for four months by January 2014, I was awakening to a sense of mission, and being a Music major was not fulfilling at all to that mission.  I realized that I wanted to deal with activism for people of color, and the LGBT? community.  So I relayed my ideas by my academic advisor Mr. "E.", and he suggested that I look into the Sociology department.
Changing my major from Music to Sociology towards the end of the school year was NOT an easy thing.  It was a successful change though.  Even though I've only had two Sociology classes so far, they have been some of the most damn rewarding classes that I have taken.  They were Introduction to Sociology and Men in Society.
Through chanting, my mission also came more into focus and I realized that I wanted to work a lot more with the LGBT? community and with feminism.  I realized that in order to help other LGBT? individuals, I must not only overcome my obstacles and wounds from the past, but I must also be educated to understand the causes of homophobia and misogyny.  Through my Men In Society class, I learned that there is a link between misogyny and homophobia against same gender loving males.
I cannot speak for anyone else, but I have had more obstacles and I have suffered more for being gay and perceived as gay than for being black.  (There was a scene from The Fosters where Lena Foster said, "When someone calls one person the n word, it doesn't just hurt that black person.  It hurts all of us.  It cuts."  Lena was referring to the word nigger. The same goes with the word faggot.  It does not matter if you are not the person being called a faggot.  You are more than likely hurt when you hear homophobes use the word faggot.  When a homophobe use the word faggot, what they are saying is that every same gender loving male is impotent, contemptuous, and unworthy of respect.  Just like the word nigger).
As I practice, my mission comes more and more into focus, and it is close to my heart.

When I Had Stopped Chanting

When I had took an acquaintance's advice and stopped chanting, it was at a bad time in my life.  It was during a time when I was dealing with depression and uncertainty about my future, and a fear of finding success, but being alone.  I felt as though no one would accept me for who I was in totality.  And on top of that, I had begun to come out the closet. Like so many gays, I initially said that I was bisexual.  That was when I began to emotionally eat.
The next year was 2,011.  Even though I had all those issues, I seemed to have started off on a good note with stellar grades.  However the year for me made a downward turn on May 14, 2,011, when my classmate Antoine Deonte Little died.  I was so devastated, that it took nearly 11 months before I started to recover.  In the meantime, I just steadily spiraled down and down.  My emotional eating increased.  My fear became evident because I was trying to fellowship with people who at times made me feel like an ant.  Did it alleviate my fear? Hell no.  I just felt lonelier than ever.
Along with that, I realize that I was NOT the best of persons. I was so engrossed with my own issues, that I did not fully appreciate the genuine friends I had.  I was a spazz.  I would curse up a storm and throw tantrums, and then blame it on being abused by my dad as a teenager, or lack of sleep, or being hungry.  My character was so poor that I blamed my French I grade (C) on my teacher rather than myself.
I am so glad that I picked up nam myoho renge kyo again, because in Nichiren Buddhism, you take responsibility for your life and your actions.  As tempting as it is, there is no blaming other people for your decisions and actions.  Not if you really want to be happy.
Of course, people have tried to get me to come back to Christianity, and I refuse because it did not make me happy.  One of those missionaries said, "It's not about happiness."  I must say that he is right.  Christianity is not about happiness.  It's about submission and obedience.  It's about doing what you are told regardless of how it affects other people.  It's about a relationship with a god whose pick up line boils down to essentially an eerie similarity to the words of Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame:
"Hell fire dark fire
Now gypsy it's your turn
Choose me or your Pyre
Be mine or you will burn."

Daimoku in My Life

I'll never forget the day

It started awkward-it ended great

August 24, 2013

I realized that Daimoku was my need

I had misunderstood an acquaintance

And it triggered a realization- a sad truth

Best friends- I rarely keep long

The longest was back in my junior high youth

And there I was-23

With that truth laying bare

As an only child who had been a mostly lone wolf

I really did care

My afternoon was spent

Listening to the saddest of songs

Evanescne's "Hello", Alicia Keys' "Why Do I Feel SO Sad"

Reba McEntire's "For My Broken Heart", Dolly Parton's "My Blue Tears"

And one of the saddest songs through the years

"He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones

Then I remembered an interview

Tina Turner did on SpeakEasy

She confirmed that one could chant for things

So I thought, "Maybe it can work for me."

I chanted Daimoku everyday

For friends to come my way

And they came

But also, I began to change

I began to be more social

And remember aspects of their lives- to my best

And whenever they suggested something I wanted to do

Instead of my usual and fearful no, I said, "Yes."

I became more confident

And commanded acceptance on my terms

No longer will I change for an acquaintance's acceptance

No longer will that work

Quite a bold move

For someone who is atheist and gay

And attending a school

Where most people are Christian and straight

I became a better student

And activism became my drive

After years of being shamed and being hurt by the word faggot

I wanted to create a better life

I became happier

And began to find my inner strength

To rebel against anyone or anything

That was suppressing my spirit

I still have obstacles

And my emotions are sometimes a wreck

But with Daimoku and Gongyo

I'll persevere to my best

How Has Buddhism Changed Your Life

 It has helped me to become more of a social person and more of a human. I have become more happy, which is where it counts. And I mean more absolutely happy. This is not a happiness that is based on external factors like better job, new boyfriend, new girlfriend, more money. This is a happiness that comes from within. Through chanting nam myoho renge kyo, I was able to get in touch with the real me. The real unadulterated me. Not the me that most people who have come into contact with me wants to see all the time. The real me.
I have become more driven. My life force has increased. During my years at Morehouse, it was the reason that I have been able to go to bed at 3, 4, and in some cases 5 AM, and then wake up at 7 AM, chant nam myoho renge kyo and Gongyo, have coffee, and have the energy to make it through my classes, and I maintain a great attitude throughout the day.
I am certain that it is through practicing Nichiren Buddhism, along with treating my body like a temple, and chucking the idea of Yahweh out of my life, that I have been feeling better and better with each passing year. Once upon a time, I was in the throes of cognitive dissonance. I was one of those people who would shout in church at a random church function, but was still drowning in depression, dissatisfaction over my lot in life, insecurity, disagreeing with the Christian theology, and treating food as a means of comfort. A college change gone bust and studying history freed me from belief in the Abrahamic god,and Nichiren Buddhism helped me to build up my confidence and my self esteem.
Another thing Nichiren Buddhism has done was help e to be more compassionate. Once upon a time, in my desperation for a far better life, my thought process was "I get mine and to hell with everyone else". Now, due to Nichiren Buddhism, Biology I and the Heart Sutra, I realize that I am interconnected to everyone else. And I now wish to devote my life for LGBTI (I stands for individualistic) causes. Nichiren Buddhism, specifically the Soka Gakkai International organization (SGI)does not judge homosexuality. In fact, the SGI assists during Pride Week. If I can use this philosophy to help at least one LGBTI person to believe in himself and change his or her life for the better, then goddammit I will.

Human Revolution: A New Perspective

My life is changing for the better and I like that.  The change started within and then started to manifest on the outside.  It's been almost 2 years since I started. How did this start?  By practicing Nichiren Buddhism.  Millions of people have seen what the practice is like from watching the 1993 Tina Turner biopicWhat's Love Got to Do With It.  If you forgot, this is the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89OJLEnsHuM
The words are "nam myoho renge kyo"
nam(u)-Devotion
myo-Mystical law of life
ho-Life's manifestations
renge- Lotus flower (for as the lotus flower blooms, it drops seeds backs into the mud; our cause and effect are simultaneous as well)
kyo-Sound, sutra, teaching
When I chant nam myoho renge kyo, also known as Daimoku, I tap into my inner wisdom, strength, and courage to overcome my obstacles, and to change the direction of my life. Also with Daimoku, you can chant for things and get them.  Quite antithetical with the 4 Noble Truths and Eightfold Path, but according to the monk who originated Nichiren BUddhism, Nichiren Daishonin, earthly desires can lead to enlightenment.  http://www.nichirenlibrary.org/en/wnd-1/Content/35
Two years ago, I was bemoaning the fact that I had never had close friends for a long time.  The longest time I had had a close friend was five years and that was back in elementary and junior high school.  That was something that had always bugged me for years.  Then on August 24, 2013, I had a misunderstanding with someone I had just met, and it sent me into a funk.  It was so bad that I was listening to these songs:
"My Blue Tears" Dolly Parton
"For My Broken Heart" Reba McEntire
"He Stopped Loving Yesterday" George Jones
"Why Do I Feel So Sad" Alicia Keys
"Hello" Evanescence

Then I remembered Tina Turner's interview on SpeakEasy where she said that you could chant for things.  So I chanted for friends who would accept me for who I was.  And that's when my human revolution began.  I began to make the right kind of friends, and also I began to change.

 I began to realize that it was MY fault that I had not had close friends for a long time.  I was cagey about my emotions when I was in high school because I thought it was manly, and my true emotions went against my religious beliefs. (My beliefs moonlighted between Christianity and Nation Of Islam).  At my previous college, whenever acquaintances wanted to do things, I would say no out of fear and out of being puritanically righteous.  (I used to be Christian).  I realized this during the holidays of 2013.

In 2014, I began to say yes to hanging out with friends.  There were times when hanging out had disastrous moments, but that's what made our friendships grow stronger. 

Another thing this Buddhist practice has done was motivate me to grind even harder during Morehouse College's crunch time.  This caused me to lose a lot of sleep, but it was worth it. 

Through this practice, I have began to know myself more, and have become more fearless, ballsier, stronger, more free, and a far more social person.

If you are same gender loving and you are tired of being denigrated because of the fact that you like the same sex; if you are tired of rebutting naysayers with "I'm gay but God still loves me"; if you don't like a religion that tells you how to live your life, I suggest that you try Nichiren Buddhism.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo

It's like heaven on my mind

And I do it all the time

Everytime I chant

I'm feeling like that Atom Ant

I can take this whole world with my strength and a smile 

And I don't need ya Bible or Koran or god to tell me how

I'm the real me I'm bein legit

Representin kujichagulia to my very best

It was August 24, 2013

When I realized this chant was what I needed

I fell into a funk it was so depressin

That I was even listenin to "Hello" by Evanescence

But then I remembered what Tina Turner said

You can chant for what you want and you can make a change

So I start chanting and what do you know

Mental reassessing and then my mo

Changed dramatically and I felt right at home

With myself and though the change was slow

It was worth it cause I started to grow

What does the future hold?  I really don't know

But I know one thing that's for damn sho

I'm going to keep at this because it benefits

An' I don't have to ask a god for deliverance

Cause anything or anyone that frees you

Can use that power betray make you a slave too

Or they can refuse and keep you in enslavement

And tell you things like "For thee my grace is sufficient"