Today marks my 2nd Daimoku Anniversary. On this day, I decided to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo daily. Not only have I stuck with it, but I received my Gohonzon on April 5, 2015. Here is one benefit I have received: NO MORE SLUMP DAYS. A lot of people come to class or work on Mondays still in a slump. I would come to class ready and with a lion's gaze. I am a lot more confident in my future and I know that my fear does not have to be a reality. It's only if I allow it to be my reality. I know that I will be okay. I have begun to listen to both my mind and my heart. This is something that took some doing after a college change I had went bust one time. I have endeavors to get my Bachelor's Degree in Sociology from Morehouse College; to attend graduate school, though I do not know where yet; to pursue a career in journalist; to write novels; to go from being an okay singer to a legitimate singer; to be a yoga instructor; and to learn Tai Chi as martial arts. I also wish to find love.
It has been quite a journey these past 2 years and I know that it's only begun. However, this journey to happiness is NOT for the faint of heart. It is for those who are willing to challenge their fears, their doubts, and take risks. It is for those who are willing to persevere until they prevail.
As an adult, I've always marveled at the idea of being spiritual and Buddhism answered that desire. However it was through Nichiren Buddhism that I discovered REAL spirituality, Once upon a time, my thinking was that of a voice hearer on some days, and cause-awakened one on the good days. Voice hearers are those who begin to seek happiness and enlightenment through what other people's teachings. Cause-awakened ones seek happiness and enlightenment through their own experience. I am now on the level of bodhisattva. Bodhisattvas seek enlightenment and happiness not only for themselves, but for others as well. They have enormous compassion for other people.
I am so damn glad that I made that decision to chant nam myoho renge kyo. My outlook on life has become clearer and more optimistic. If you want to learn about Nichiren Buddhism, I suggest that you check the website nammyohorengekyo.org. If you are interested in practicing it, then check out this website and chant this mantra with me:
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Nam myoho renge kyo
Monday, August 24, 2015
Monday, August 17, 2015
Follow Your Heart
As a member of SGI, one of the messages that is prevalent is following the heart. I remember that Les Brown said that whenever there is a conflict between the heart and the mind, go with your heart. I am currently faced with this conflict.
I am having financial aid difficulties. I don't know how I'm going to pay it. I am applying for scholarships. My mother believes that my needs will be met if I would submit to the Abrahamic god.
It is a tempting thing, but it conflicts with my heart. Earlier this morning, mom called me and it weighed on me. Then before I did my Daimoku session, I meditated on my heart and the way to go. I put up mental images of the Christian flag, the Nation Of Islam flag, and a statue of the Buddha, and my heart was a traveler. My heart chose Buddhism, then Nichiren Buddhism.
Once I was done meditating, I was determined more than ever to follow my heart. I remembered how my life spiraled downward the last time I had given up chanting because I was afraid of eternal retribution. I remembered how much I suffered.
My financial aid situation is still uncertain. My mother still cares about me doing the desert god's will a hell of a lot more than my happiness. But one thing is for certain. I'm following my heart. Whatever the cost, because the cost of not following my heart will be a hell of a lot more painful, and a hell of a lot more steep.
I will never get back those years that I lost between 2010 and August of 2013. I will never get a chance to redo my Norfolk State experience. But I am grateful that I woke up and that it only cost me three years and not three decades.
I am grateful that I still have a chance to attain Buddhahood and happiness in my lifetime. And I am grateful that I became more determined to follow my heart.
I am having financial aid difficulties. I don't know how I'm going to pay it. I am applying for scholarships. My mother believes that my needs will be met if I would submit to the Abrahamic god.
It is a tempting thing, but it conflicts with my heart. Earlier this morning, mom called me and it weighed on me. Then before I did my Daimoku session, I meditated on my heart and the way to go. I put up mental images of the Christian flag, the Nation Of Islam flag, and a statue of the Buddha, and my heart was a traveler. My heart chose Buddhism, then Nichiren Buddhism.
Once I was done meditating, I was determined more than ever to follow my heart. I remembered how my life spiraled downward the last time I had given up chanting because I was afraid of eternal retribution. I remembered how much I suffered.
My financial aid situation is still uncertain. My mother still cares about me doing the desert god's will a hell of a lot more than my happiness. But one thing is for certain. I'm following my heart. Whatever the cost, because the cost of not following my heart will be a hell of a lot more painful, and a hell of a lot more steep.
I will never get back those years that I lost between 2010 and August of 2013. I will never get a chance to redo my Norfolk State experience. But I am grateful that I woke up and that it only cost me three years and not three decades.
I am grateful that I still have a chance to attain Buddhahood and happiness in my lifetime. And I am grateful that I became more determined to follow my heart.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
Awakening to Mission
In 2014, I did something that shocked so many people who knew me. I switched my major from Music to Sociology. One of the reasons was because I was tired. I had been a Music major off and on for 5 years and in 2014, I was 24 years old and ensembles were so lackluster by then. I could not understand it until I talked to a lady who sang and used to be a Music major in her younger years. She helped me realize that what had happened was age. As you get older, you realize that there is more to life than just singing in choir and touring. That's what happened to me. I got older and found being a Music major to be really time consuming, especially as a member of the Morehouse College Glee Club where I was Baritone Choir II under the direction of Dr. David E. Morrow.
There was another factor in that decision though. Even though I had only been chanting Daimoku for four months by January 2014, I was awakening to a sense of mission, and being a Music major was not fulfilling at all to that mission. I realized that I wanted to deal with activism for people of color, and the LGBT? community. So I relayed my ideas by my academic advisor Mr. "E.", and he suggested that I look into the Sociology department.
Changing my major from Music to Sociology towards the end of the school year was NOT an easy thing. It was a successful change though. Even though I've only had two Sociology classes so far, they have been some of the most damn rewarding classes that I have taken. They were Introduction to Sociology and Men in Society.
Through chanting, my mission also came more into focus and I realized that I wanted to work a lot more with the LGBT? community and with feminism. I realized that in order to help other LGBT? individuals, I must not only overcome my obstacles and wounds from the past, but I must also be educated to understand the causes of homophobia and misogyny. Through my Men In Society class, I learned that there is a link between misogyny and homophobia against same gender loving males.
I cannot speak for anyone else, but I have had more obstacles and I have suffered more for being gay and perceived as gay than for being black. (There was a scene from The Fosters where Lena Foster said, "When someone calls one person the n word, it doesn't just hurt that black person. It hurts all of us. It cuts." Lena was referring to the word nigger. The same goes with the word faggot. It does not matter if you are not the person being called a faggot. You are more than likely hurt when you hear homophobes use the word faggot. When a homophobe use the word faggot, what they are saying is that every same gender loving male is impotent, contemptuous, and unworthy of respect. Just like the word nigger).
As I practice, my mission comes more and more into focus, and it is close to my heart.
There was another factor in that decision though. Even though I had only been chanting Daimoku for four months by January 2014, I was awakening to a sense of mission, and being a Music major was not fulfilling at all to that mission. I realized that I wanted to deal with activism for people of color, and the LGBT? community. So I relayed my ideas by my academic advisor Mr. "E.", and he suggested that I look into the Sociology department.
Changing my major from Music to Sociology towards the end of the school year was NOT an easy thing. It was a successful change though. Even though I've only had two Sociology classes so far, they have been some of the most damn rewarding classes that I have taken. They were Introduction to Sociology and Men in Society.
Through chanting, my mission also came more into focus and I realized that I wanted to work a lot more with the LGBT? community and with feminism. I realized that in order to help other LGBT? individuals, I must not only overcome my obstacles and wounds from the past, but I must also be educated to understand the causes of homophobia and misogyny. Through my Men In Society class, I learned that there is a link between misogyny and homophobia against same gender loving males.
I cannot speak for anyone else, but I have had more obstacles and I have suffered more for being gay and perceived as gay than for being black. (There was a scene from The Fosters where Lena Foster said, "When someone calls one person the n word, it doesn't just hurt that black person. It hurts all of us. It cuts." Lena was referring to the word nigger. The same goes with the word faggot. It does not matter if you are not the person being called a faggot. You are more than likely hurt when you hear homophobes use the word faggot. When a homophobe use the word faggot, what they are saying is that every same gender loving male is impotent, contemptuous, and unworthy of respect. Just like the word nigger).
As I practice, my mission comes more and more into focus, and it is close to my heart.
Saturday, August 15, 2015
When I Had Stopped Chanting
When I had took an acquaintance's advice and stopped chanting, it was at a bad time in my life. It was during a time when I was dealing with depression and uncertainty about my future, and a fear of finding success, but being alone. I felt as though no one would accept me for who I was in totality. And on top of that, I had begun to come out the closet. Like so many gays, I initially said that I was bisexual. That was when I began to emotionally eat.
The next year was 2,011. Even though I had all those issues, I seemed to have started off on a good note with stellar grades. However the year for me made a downward turn on May 14, 2,011, when my classmate Antoine Deonte Little died. I was so devastated, that it took nearly 11 months before I started to recover. In the meantime, I just steadily spiraled down and down. My emotional eating increased. My fear became evident because I was trying to fellowship with people who at times made me feel like an ant. Did it alleviate my fear? Hell no. I just felt lonelier than ever.
Along with that, I realize that I was NOT the best of persons. I was so engrossed with my own issues, that I did not fully appreciate the genuine friends I had. I was a spazz. I would curse up a storm and throw tantrums, and then blame it on being abused by my dad as a teenager, or lack of sleep, or being hungry. My character was so poor that I blamed my French I grade (C) on my teacher rather than myself.
I am so glad that I picked up nam myoho renge kyo again, because in Nichiren Buddhism, you take responsibility for your life and your actions. As tempting as it is, there is no blaming other people for your decisions and actions. Not if you really want to be happy.
Of course, people have tried to get me to come back to Christianity, and I refuse because it did not make me happy. One of those missionaries said, "It's not about happiness." I must say that he is right. Christianity is not about happiness. It's about submission and obedience. It's about doing what you are told regardless of how it affects other people. It's about a relationship with a god whose pick up line boils down to essentially an eerie similarity to the words of Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame:
"Hell fire dark fire
Now gypsy it's your turn
Choose me or your Pyre
Be mine or you will burn."
The next year was 2,011. Even though I had all those issues, I seemed to have started off on a good note with stellar grades. However the year for me made a downward turn on May 14, 2,011, when my classmate Antoine Deonte Little died. I was so devastated, that it took nearly 11 months before I started to recover. In the meantime, I just steadily spiraled down and down. My emotional eating increased. My fear became evident because I was trying to fellowship with people who at times made me feel like an ant. Did it alleviate my fear? Hell no. I just felt lonelier than ever.
Along with that, I realize that I was NOT the best of persons. I was so engrossed with my own issues, that I did not fully appreciate the genuine friends I had. I was a spazz. I would curse up a storm and throw tantrums, and then blame it on being abused by my dad as a teenager, or lack of sleep, or being hungry. My character was so poor that I blamed my French I grade (C) on my teacher rather than myself.
I am so glad that I picked up nam myoho renge kyo again, because in Nichiren Buddhism, you take responsibility for your life and your actions. As tempting as it is, there is no blaming other people for your decisions and actions. Not if you really want to be happy.
Of course, people have tried to get me to come back to Christianity, and I refuse because it did not make me happy. One of those missionaries said, "It's not about happiness." I must say that he is right. Christianity is not about happiness. It's about submission and obedience. It's about doing what you are told regardless of how it affects other people. It's about a relationship with a god whose pick up line boils down to essentially an eerie similarity to the words of Claude Frollo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame:
"Hell fire dark fire
Now gypsy it's your turn
Choose me or your Pyre
Be mine or you will burn."
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Daimoku in My Life
I'll never forget the day
It started awkward-it ended great
August 24, 2013
I realized that Daimoku was my need
I had misunderstood an acquaintance
And it triggered a realization- a sad truth
Best friends- I rarely keep long
The longest was back in my junior high youth
And there I was-23
With that truth laying bare
As an only child who had been a mostly lone wolf
I really did care
My afternoon was spent
Listening to the saddest of songs
Evanescne's "Hello", Alicia Keys' "Why Do I Feel SO Sad"
Reba McEntire's "For My Broken Heart", Dolly Parton's "My Blue Tears"
And one of the saddest songs through the years
"He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones
Then I remembered an interview
Tina Turner did on SpeakEasy
She confirmed that one could chant for things
So I thought, "Maybe it can work for me."
I chanted Daimoku everyday
For friends to come my way
And they came
But also, I began to change
I began to be more social
And remember aspects of their lives- to my best
And whenever they suggested something I wanted to do
Instead of my usual and fearful no, I said, "Yes."
I became more confident
And commanded acceptance on my terms
No longer will I change for an acquaintance's acceptance
No longer will that work
Quite a bold move
For someone who is atheist and gay
And attending a school
Where most people are Christian and straight
I became a better student
And activism became my drive
After years of being shamed and being hurt by the word faggot
I wanted to create a better life
I became happier
And began to find my inner strength
To rebel against anyone or anything
That was suppressing my spirit
I still have obstacles
And my emotions are sometimes a wreck
But with Daimoku and Gongyo
I'll persevere to my best
How Has Buddhism Changed Your Life
It has helped me to become more of a social person and more of a human. I have become more happy, which is where it counts. And I mean more absolutely happy. This is not a happiness that is based on external factors like better job, new boyfriend, new girlfriend, more money. This is a happiness that comes from within. Through chanting nam myoho renge kyo, I was able to get in touch with the real me. The real unadulterated me. Not the me that most people who have come into contact with me wants to see all the time. The real me.
I have become more driven. My life force has increased. During my years at Morehouse, it was the reason that I have been able to go to bed at 3, 4, and in some cases 5 AM, and then wake up at 7 AM, chant nam myoho renge kyo and Gongyo, have coffee, and have the energy to make it through my classes, and I maintain a great attitude throughout the day.
I am certain that it is through practicing Nichiren Buddhism, along with treating my body like a temple, and chucking the idea of Yahweh out of my life, that I have been feeling better and better with each passing year. Once upon a time, I was in the throes of cognitive dissonance. I was one of those people who would shout in church at a random church function, but was still drowning in depression, dissatisfaction over my lot in life, insecurity, disagreeing with the Christian theology, and treating food as a means of comfort. A college change gone bust and studying history freed me from belief in the Abrahamic god,and Nichiren Buddhism helped me to build up my confidence and my self esteem.
Another thing Nichiren Buddhism has done was help e to be more compassionate. Once upon a time, in my desperation for a far better life, my thought process was "I get mine and to hell with everyone else". Now, due to Nichiren Buddhism, Biology I and the Heart Sutra, I realize that I am interconnected to everyone else. And I now wish to devote my life for LGBTI (I stands for individualistic) causes. Nichiren Buddhism, specifically the Soka Gakkai International organization (SGI)does not judge homosexuality. In fact, the SGI assists during Pride Week. If I can use this philosophy to help at least one LGBTI person to believe in himself and change his or her life for the better, then goddammit I will.
I have become more driven. My life force has increased. During my years at Morehouse, it was the reason that I have been able to go to bed at 3, 4, and in some cases 5 AM, and then wake up at 7 AM, chant nam myoho renge kyo and Gongyo, have coffee, and have the energy to make it through my classes, and I maintain a great attitude throughout the day.
I am certain that it is through practicing Nichiren Buddhism, along with treating my body like a temple, and chucking the idea of Yahweh out of my life, that I have been feeling better and better with each passing year. Once upon a time, I was in the throes of cognitive dissonance. I was one of those people who would shout in church at a random church function, but was still drowning in depression, dissatisfaction over my lot in life, insecurity, disagreeing with the Christian theology, and treating food as a means of comfort. A college change gone bust and studying history freed me from belief in the Abrahamic god,and Nichiren Buddhism helped me to build up my confidence and my self esteem.
Another thing Nichiren Buddhism has done was help e to be more compassionate. Once upon a time, in my desperation for a far better life, my thought process was "I get mine and to hell with everyone else". Now, due to Nichiren Buddhism, Biology I and the Heart Sutra, I realize that I am interconnected to everyone else. And I now wish to devote my life for LGBTI (I stands for individualistic) causes. Nichiren Buddhism, specifically the Soka Gakkai International organization (SGI)does not judge homosexuality. In fact, the SGI assists during Pride Week. If I can use this philosophy to help at least one LGBTI person to believe in himself and change his or her life for the better, then goddammit I will.
Human Revolution: A New Perspective
My life is changing for the better and I like that. The change started within and then started to manifest on the outside. It's been almost 2 years since I started. How did this start? By practicing Nichiren Buddhism. Millions of people have seen what the practice is like from watching the 1993 Tina Turner biopicWhat's Love Got to Do With It. If you forgot, this is the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89OJLEnsHuM
The words are "nam myoho renge kyo"
nam(u)-Devotion
myo-Mystical law of life
ho-Life's manifestations
renge- Lotus flower (for as the lotus flower blooms, it drops seeds backs into the mud; our cause and effect are simultaneous as well)
kyo-Sound, sutra, teaching
When I chant nam myoho renge kyo, also known as Daimoku, I tap into my inner wisdom, strength, and courage to overcome my obstacles, and to change the direction of my life. Also with Daimoku, you can chant for things and get them. Quite antithetical with the 4 Noble Truths and Eightfold Path, but according to the monk who originated Nichiren BUddhism, Nichiren Daishonin, earthly desires can lead to enlightenment. http://www.nichirenlibrary.org/en/wnd-1/Content/35
Two years ago, I was bemoaning the fact that I had never had close friends for a long time. The longest time I had had a close friend was five years and that was back in elementary and junior high school. That was something that had always bugged me for years. Then on August 24, 2013, I had a misunderstanding with someone I had just met, and it sent me into a funk. It was so bad that I was listening to these songs:
"My Blue Tears" Dolly Parton
"For My Broken Heart" Reba McEntire
"He Stopped Loving Yesterday" George Jones
"Why Do I Feel So Sad" Alicia Keys
"Hello" Evanescence
Then I remembered Tina Turner's interview on SpeakEasy where she said that you could chant for things. So I chanted for friends who would accept me for who I was. And that's when my human revolution began. I began to make the right kind of friends, and also I began to change.
I began to realize that it was MY fault that I had not had close friends for a long time. I was cagey about my emotions when I was in high school because I thought it was manly, and my true emotions went against my religious beliefs. (My beliefs moonlighted between Christianity and Nation Of Islam). At my previous college, whenever acquaintances wanted to do things, I would say no out of fear and out of being puritanically righteous. (I used to be Christian). I realized this during the holidays of 2013.
In 2014, I began to say yes to hanging out with friends. There were times when hanging out had disastrous moments, but that's what made our friendships grow stronger.
Another thing this Buddhist practice has done was motivate me to grind even harder during Morehouse College's crunch time. This caused me to lose a lot of sleep, but it was worth it.
Through this practice, I have began to know myself more, and have become more fearless, ballsier, stronger, more free, and a far more social person.
If you are same gender loving and you are tired of being denigrated because of the fact that you like the same sex; if you are tired of rebutting naysayers with "I'm gay but God still loves me"; if you don't like a religion that tells you how to live your life, I suggest that you try Nichiren Buddhism.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89OJLEnsHuM
The words are "nam myoho renge kyo"
nam(u)-Devotion
myo-Mystical law of life
ho-Life's manifestations
renge- Lotus flower (for as the lotus flower blooms, it drops seeds backs into the mud; our cause and effect are simultaneous as well)
kyo-Sound, sutra, teaching
When I chant nam myoho renge kyo, also known as Daimoku, I tap into my inner wisdom, strength, and courage to overcome my obstacles, and to change the direction of my life. Also with Daimoku, you can chant for things and get them. Quite antithetical with the 4 Noble Truths and Eightfold Path, but according to the monk who originated Nichiren BUddhism, Nichiren Daishonin, earthly desires can lead to enlightenment. http://www.nichirenlibrary.org/en/wnd-1/Content/35
Two years ago, I was bemoaning the fact that I had never had close friends for a long time. The longest time I had had a close friend was five years and that was back in elementary and junior high school. That was something that had always bugged me for years. Then on August 24, 2013, I had a misunderstanding with someone I had just met, and it sent me into a funk. It was so bad that I was listening to these songs:
"My Blue Tears" Dolly Parton
"For My Broken Heart" Reba McEntire
"He Stopped Loving Yesterday" George Jones
"Why Do I Feel So Sad" Alicia Keys
"Hello" Evanescence
Then I remembered Tina Turner's interview on SpeakEasy where she said that you could chant for things. So I chanted for friends who would accept me for who I was. And that's when my human revolution began. I began to make the right kind of friends, and also I began to change.
I began to realize that it was MY fault that I had not had close friends for a long time. I was cagey about my emotions when I was in high school because I thought it was manly, and my true emotions went against my religious beliefs. (My beliefs moonlighted between Christianity and Nation Of Islam). At my previous college, whenever acquaintances wanted to do things, I would say no out of fear and out of being puritanically righteous. (I used to be Christian). I realized this during the holidays of 2013.
In 2014, I began to say yes to hanging out with friends. There were times when hanging out had disastrous moments, but that's what made our friendships grow stronger.
Another thing this Buddhist practice has done was motivate me to grind even harder during Morehouse College's crunch time. This caused me to lose a lot of sleep, but it was worth it.
Through this practice, I have began to know myself more, and have become more fearless, ballsier, stronger, more free, and a far more social person.
If you are same gender loving and you are tired of being denigrated because of the fact that you like the same sex; if you are tired of rebutting naysayers with "I'm gay but God still loves me"; if you don't like a religion that tells you how to live your life, I suggest that you try Nichiren Buddhism.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
It's like heaven on my mind
And I do it all the time
Everytime I chant
I'm feeling like that Atom Ant
I can take this whole world with my strength and a smile
And I don't need ya Bible or Koran or god to tell me how
I'm the real me I'm bein legit
Representin kujichagulia to my very best
It was August 24, 2013
When I realized this chant was what I needed
I fell into a funk it was so depressin
That I was even listenin to "Hello" by Evanescence
But then I remembered what Tina Turner said
You can chant for what you want and you can make a change
So I start chanting and what do you know
Mental reassessing and then my mo
Changed dramatically and I felt right at home
With myself and though the change was slow
It was worth it cause I started to grow
What does the future hold? I really don't know
But I know one thing that's for damn sho
I'm going to keep at this because it benefits
An' I don't have to ask a god for deliverance
Cause anything or anyone that frees you
Can use that power betray make you a slave too
Or they can refuse and keep you in enslavement
And tell you things like "For thee my grace is sufficient"
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