I can't even believe that my winter vacation has passed and gone. I am such a far cry from where I was on November 17, 2017. Usually on the Friday before Thanksgiving, I tend to fall into a depression. This has been the case since 2005. That Friday in particular because it means that Thanksgiving is around the corner and eventually the Christmas holidays would be here. I am usually at my loneliest around Christmas time. Before Buddhism and the SGI, I did not have close friends outside of school. I would have distracted myself by escaping into the world of the stories that I am writing, watching holiday romantic comedies; however this time the depression was intense. Given my workaholic personality, I could not just go to sleep because I was depressed. Christmas tunes only saddened me more. Not even performing at an open mic made me feel better. When the host of the open mic told everyone to make a representation of how we felt, of all the things I wrote down, the most memorable are the Chinese characters 哭 and 為什麼？ over and over to my parents and to my life. Suddenly I remembered a title of President Daisaku Ikeda's lecture in The Heart of the Lotus Sutra. The lecture was titled 'Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo Is the Greatest Cause'. While I am not someone to simply act on a title alone, I figured, 'Well I don't have shit to lose.' So with several chanting nam myoho renge kyo videos on YouTube, I chanted throughout the night. I did not set a time goal. I just chanted until I was exhausted. That was my ritual for the next few days. Especially during the Thanksgiving holiday. During that time, I either ate, chanted, or read the letter 'on Attaining Buddhahood in This Lifetime' or President Ikeda's lecture on it until 11:00. Then I would watch a holiday movie or special on YouTube. I was really fascinated with the mirror analogy. That definitely motivated me to chant more and more in order to see my situation clearer. When the holiday was over, I had two projects to do and finals to prepare for. My main priority though was my emotional health. I was able to do my projects, prepare for finals, and even took up a Buddhist practice of Shakyo which is copying a sutra. I chose to copy chapters of the Lotus Sutra in traditional Chinese characters. I did it help my nerves and to see what benefits I could accrue. This is in accord the 19th and the 23rd chapter of the Lotus Sutra. Through the school, I was put in contact with an organization which helped me get a room in the city I was in. Unfortunately, the room was a day late and I had to spend a night at the homeless shelter. Shakyo and practicing for others (chanting for the other men there to overcome their problems, and even telling some of them about nam myoho renge kyo) helped me to not go into a conniption over my situation. Chanting for others in that fashion was an idea that I had gotten from a few women's division members at the time of the publication of the January 2005 Living Buddhism. The next day I was able to move into my place and met a fellow Buddhist. On day three I began to wake up with bites on my arms and my neck. Come to find out,. they were from bedbugs. My friend helped me to really clean the room and offered me an alternative space until I could treat my room. During that six day period, I noticed that she had an unpleasant experience with her own son; I went the hospital where I wasn't seen about until the next morning; and I had a dream of my future where both my parents and grandparents were dead. I chanted for the mending of my friend's relationship with her son. I shared nam myoho renge kyo with three people, two on the way to the hospital, and one at hospital. As a result of my practice, I came to understand that my issue with my blood family was with the paradigm of mistreatment that had been occurring and was still occurring. I was angry at the paradigm, the likelihood of it being repeated on a new generation, and fearful that it would not be changed. I let my mother know that, among other things, and we began to communicate more and more. On the 6th day when she asked if I wanted to come down to my grandparents' house for the remainder of the Christmas vacation, I said yes. Also on the 6th day, I got the medication to deal with my bites. I had a great vacation afterwards. Even though I slept on a palette instead of a bed; even though I was nearly two hours away from where I had begun practicing; I had a great vacation. 'There is no true happiness for human beings other than chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.'-Nichiren Daishonin, 'Happiness in the World' p. 681.
