August 24, 2016, marked three years of chanting Daimoku. When I began doing it on August 24, 2013, I did not know where my journey would lead me. All I knew was that chanting nam myoho renge kyo resonated something deep within me. It did it more than other Buddhist mantra that I have ever chanted. My journey has been a journey of unveiling my true potential, my wisdom, my compassion, and my courage. I would not have been able to move my life in a better direction without Daimoku. My recent financial battle has shown me that, plus other things. Without my practice, I would have counted the costs of those 4 hour daily commutes from home, given up, and become bitter at life. I will never forget when a professional had told me that my odds did not look good. I was very crushed by that news. I sat down by myself, and began to chant inconspicuous Daimoku. A few moments after that, I read this quote from Daimoku Ikeda from the book Faith Into Action: "No matter what the circumstances, you should never concede defeat. Never conclude that you've reached a dead end, that everything is finished. You possess a glorious future. And precisely because of that, you must persevere and study. Life is eternal. We need to focus on the two existences of the present and the future and not get caught up in the past. We must always have the spirit to begin anew 'from this moment,'to initiate a new struggle each day." Upon reading that, I remembered my vow back in July, and an anger welled up within me. It was like the scene from Mulan when she ultimately decided to disguise herself as a young man and take her injured father's stead in the army. (For those who never saw Mulan):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AARl1cMxS9w
I decided to use the strategy of the Lotus Sutra to get the money. What initially happened was the deadline was pushed back three times. However, two weeks of commuting to school from home began to take a toll on me, By last Friday I was so physically and emotionally exhausted that I was in a very bad way. A part of me did not give a shit about the outcome and just wanted the ordeal to be over, and another part of me was worried about making another costly mistake like I had done in my earlier adulthood. I reached out to my friend Nick Kano and he encouraged me to stick it out. The following Saturday, I was physically rested, but I was burnt out from emotional exhaustion. It was so bad that doing Gongyo, and chanting Daimoku over my situation was like walking in marsh. Then I decided to do inconspicuous Daimoku. After 10 minutes of it, I instinctively read the May 2015 Living Buddhism, and read the experience of George Nakamura of Phoenix, Arizona. As a result, I underwent a huge human revolution. For years, I had viewed gratitude as two things: a compulsory act that you did just in case it's the last time you saw someone before they died, or as a way of saying accept the shitty parts of your life because the shit can smell a hell of a lot worse. Now I realized that gratitude is a way of acknowledging the things that have benefited your life and continue to benefit it. Gratitude is how we truly grow and connect with other people. Gratitude is stopping for a moment and doing these things. I initially began chanting to overcome my tendency to complain. Then I began chanting Daimoku to express my gratitude for my parents, my family, my friends, my practice, Daimoku, President Ikeda, second president Josei Toda, first president Tsunesaburo Makiguchi, Nichiren, and even the World Honored One Shakyamuni. As a result, I smiled more and more. The following Sunday, after doing some inconspicuous Daimoku, I instinctively read the "Wisdom for Creating Happiness and Peace" section of the June 2016 Living Buddhism. As a result, I realized that in my heart, I still blamed my environment and my background for my issues, even though I had intellectually grasped the futility of doing that. So I chanted to overcome that tendency. Finally, Monday morning I underwent a third human revolution. For two years I had dismissed the arts because it was not a guaranteed big bucks career. Now I realized that the arts is a part of me, serves a far greater purpose than turning people into magnates., and to dismiss the arts is to slander my Buddha nature. Later on that Monday, based on my GPA, I received enough money to go to school and live on campus.
In addition to my recent breakthrough, the most indicative sign that Daimoku has benefited me came when a friend shouted me out on my 26th birthday and another called me awesome because of my persionality, and not just because of my intelligence and my musical acumen. My personality. So for that, I say thank you Daimoku. I may not know the future bends that I must undergo, but goddammit I will be a hell of a lot better because of them. :')
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
The Summer of 2016: A Time of Growth and Preparation
I wanted to do this blog after my financial aid situation was resolved; however, I don't know how long that will take and school has already started. In May of 2016, before I went home, I intuitively bought two books, Faith Into Action, and The Opening of the Eyes. Upon arriving home, I restarted the process of chanting for the happiness of the students who mistreated me in high school, and for the happiness of two people who had rejected me. I realized that what had happened was a result of my own thoughts and my homophobia at the time. Also, I shakabuku'ed more people from high school. As a result of my assiduous faith, practice, and study, on June 4, 2016, I made peace with my high school experience.
June 6, 2016,
Today was move in day for summer school. I had enough money on my Higher One card to pay for summer school. The problem was that customers could only swipe a few hundred dollars a day, and my summer school bill was in the thousands. I talked with Mr. Melson in Student Accounts, he insisted that I call the company. He even gave me a number to call them by. I called, and was able to get in contact with a representative. I told her my situation, and she said that she will see if there can be an exemption for me. As I waited, I chanted for it. When she returned, I found out that I received the exemption. I was able to pay for summer school.
Summer school, I was for the most part assiduous with my chanting of Daimoku for 30-40 minutes everyday. I chanted to be the best student that I could be. Also, I did so many shakabukus in person and by Facebook. However, I felt lonely because unlike some of my neighbors, I did not have a roommate. It was just me in a two bed room. I did not have anyone who would say to me, "Let's go ..."
June 12, 2016.
Early that morning, I had decided to go to the Regional Study Meeting at the Atlanta Buddhist Center. Sadly, this was the same day that I had heard about the carnage at a gay club in Orlando, Florida. Anyway, at the center, I did Gongyo, which is a customary practice before any event. I made a conscious effort to do inconspicuous Daimoku because I wanted to see my life clearly. (It's something that I began doing ever since I had read Nichiren's "Letter to the Lay Priest Domyo" back in March). When I did it, I began to see that I had an issue with working with people because of my need for control. So I chanted to overcome my need for control. As a result, I learned that changing places of persecution into the Buddha Land meant that at the places of persecution, your Buddha nature comes to the fore. Also, I began to interact with my neighbors a little bit more, and I started going to tozos.
June 27, 2016,
I read on Facebook about the murder of the 23-year-old rapper Lor'Scoota of Baltimore. What made this one stick out to me was the fact that Lor'Scoota had been murdered right after he had volunteered at a basketball game for peace. I was truly troubled, however this time I chanted with determination to do what I could do to stop the violence. As a result, I created the blog post "Daimoku in Relation to Black America" as a method of shakabuku. After I created the post, and put it in circulation, I was attacked by the devil king of the sixth heaven which manifested in terms of depression after a conversation with one of my neighbors that exposed a dark part of my past. Even though my neighbors seemed to understand that I am not a bad person, just introverted, and greatly misunderstood because social interactions are still a difficult thing for me, my depression persisted until the next morning. That Tuesday, after some chanting to get through the depression, I decided to chant with determination to overcome the funk. I came out of it, and I had a human revolution. For two years, I thought that if I was to foray into a singing career, I would end up like Amy Winehouse or Janis Joplin. I realized that that does not have to be the case for me.
July 5-9, 2016,
That was a contentious week. As a result, I made a vow to become the happiest person at Morehouse. I made this vow because if I can become happy, then I can help other students do the same. I don't want another young black soul to make the same mistake I made when I was 18, which was give in to fear. When I was 18, the country had went into a recession. That shattered the hope that I had of getting the HOPE scholarship, getting a free ride through college, finding a sustainable job, and moving out of where I lived and into a better life. As a result, I hesitated in getting my Bachelor's degree for years. In relation to that week in 2016, I don't want another young 18-year-old to despair, give up on themselves, and succumb to their hardships. I can tell you from experience, it's a growth stunting move.
Also, on July 7, I realized that I had resentment against my parents that I needed the release. So I chanted with determination to overcome that resentment. It went on until Saturday and by that time I was emotionally exhausted. However, I found the courage to tell my mother that I wanted to get tested for Asperger's. Also, I found the courage to reach out to my dad and tell him everything that I wanted to tell him for eight years. Our talk later on that day was good.
In the midst of the contentious week, I finished summer school and I had a great relationship with my neighbors. On July 15, I went back home. There, I continued chanting, studying, and shakabukuing. Ever since August 15, I have been embroiled in a financial aid battle. I have been doing two hour commutes from home to school. The only bright side is that I am handling this a hell of a lot better than last year when I was near suicidal. Patience is still a constant struggle. I'm not willing to give up though. I am still chanting to win. And as the final purge day approaches, I am chanting and studying the Living Buddhisms. Specifically, the August 2015 edition, and the June 2016 edition. I must win. In order my life to move forward, in order to prove the validity of Daimoku, and in order to fulfill my vow.
June 6, 2016,
Today was move in day for summer school. I had enough money on my Higher One card to pay for summer school. The problem was that customers could only swipe a few hundred dollars a day, and my summer school bill was in the thousands. I talked with Mr. Melson in Student Accounts, he insisted that I call the company. He even gave me a number to call them by. I called, and was able to get in contact with a representative. I told her my situation, and she said that she will see if there can be an exemption for me. As I waited, I chanted for it. When she returned, I found out that I received the exemption. I was able to pay for summer school.
Summer school, I was for the most part assiduous with my chanting of Daimoku for 30-40 minutes everyday. I chanted to be the best student that I could be. Also, I did so many shakabukus in person and by Facebook. However, I felt lonely because unlike some of my neighbors, I did not have a roommate. It was just me in a two bed room. I did not have anyone who would say to me, "Let's go ..."
June 12, 2016.
Early that morning, I had decided to go to the Regional Study Meeting at the Atlanta Buddhist Center. Sadly, this was the same day that I had heard about the carnage at a gay club in Orlando, Florida. Anyway, at the center, I did Gongyo, which is a customary practice before any event. I made a conscious effort to do inconspicuous Daimoku because I wanted to see my life clearly. (It's something that I began doing ever since I had read Nichiren's "Letter to the Lay Priest Domyo" back in March). When I did it, I began to see that I had an issue with working with people because of my need for control. So I chanted to overcome my need for control. As a result, I learned that changing places of persecution into the Buddha Land meant that at the places of persecution, your Buddha nature comes to the fore. Also, I began to interact with my neighbors a little bit more, and I started going to tozos.
June 27, 2016,
I read on Facebook about the murder of the 23-year-old rapper Lor'Scoota of Baltimore. What made this one stick out to me was the fact that Lor'Scoota had been murdered right after he had volunteered at a basketball game for peace. I was truly troubled, however this time I chanted with determination to do what I could do to stop the violence. As a result, I created the blog post "Daimoku in Relation to Black America" as a method of shakabuku. After I created the post, and put it in circulation, I was attacked by the devil king of the sixth heaven which manifested in terms of depression after a conversation with one of my neighbors that exposed a dark part of my past. Even though my neighbors seemed to understand that I am not a bad person, just introverted, and greatly misunderstood because social interactions are still a difficult thing for me, my depression persisted until the next morning. That Tuesday, after some chanting to get through the depression, I decided to chant with determination to overcome the funk. I came out of it, and I had a human revolution. For two years, I thought that if I was to foray into a singing career, I would end up like Amy Winehouse or Janis Joplin. I realized that that does not have to be the case for me.
July 5-9, 2016,
That was a contentious week. As a result, I made a vow to become the happiest person at Morehouse. I made this vow because if I can become happy, then I can help other students do the same. I don't want another young black soul to make the same mistake I made when I was 18, which was give in to fear. When I was 18, the country had went into a recession. That shattered the hope that I had of getting the HOPE scholarship, getting a free ride through college, finding a sustainable job, and moving out of where I lived and into a better life. As a result, I hesitated in getting my Bachelor's degree for years. In relation to that week in 2016, I don't want another young 18-year-old to despair, give up on themselves, and succumb to their hardships. I can tell you from experience, it's a growth stunting move.
Also, on July 7, I realized that I had resentment against my parents that I needed the release. So I chanted with determination to overcome that resentment. It went on until Saturday and by that time I was emotionally exhausted. However, I found the courage to tell my mother that I wanted to get tested for Asperger's. Also, I found the courage to reach out to my dad and tell him everything that I wanted to tell him for eight years. Our talk later on that day was good.
In the midst of the contentious week, I finished summer school and I had a great relationship with my neighbors. On July 15, I went back home. There, I continued chanting, studying, and shakabukuing. Ever since August 15, I have been embroiled in a financial aid battle. I have been doing two hour commutes from home to school. The only bright side is that I am handling this a hell of a lot better than last year when I was near suicidal. Patience is still a constant struggle. I'm not willing to give up though. I am still chanting to win. And as the final purge day approaches, I am chanting and studying the Living Buddhisms. Specifically, the August 2015 edition, and the June 2016 edition. I must win. In order my life to move forward, in order to prove the validity of Daimoku, and in order to fulfill my vow.
Monday, August 8, 2016
Changing Poison Into Medicine
Q; What is your definition of changing poison into medicine?
A: My definition of it is taking a situation that naturally would harm you emotionally and turning it into motivation to become happier. By happier, I mean wiser, braver, more compassionate, and more empowered than ever before.
Q: Have you, yourself underwent this? If so, how did you do it?
A: Yes, I have underwent this. I will continue to undergo this. I did it by chanting nam myoho renge kyo.
Q: How does it work?
A: Let's say that somebody did something to hurt your feelings or enrage you. You chant nam myoho renge kyo for their happiness. As you chant nam myoho renge kyo over and over, the intensity of the pain subsides, you become wiser, more compassionate, and more understanding. As a result, the pain ceases to overwhelm you, or cloud your view of the person who hurt you.
Q: What if one does not want to undergo this process? What if they think that this is bunk?
A: Well that is their choice. This is not and should not be treated as a compulsory act. If the person does not wish to do it, then that is their choice. I just hope that they are ready for the possible results.
Q: What are the alternative results?
A: Basically, misery, though misery manifests in different ways depending on the personality. Some people become volatile; some people become depressed. But it all boils down to misery. Also, this misery is a part of this phenomena called victim mentality. Victim mentality is when one feels that they are oppressed or affronted, are the victims of other people's negative actions, and act like that is the case. Even when there is no evidence corroborating the feeling.
Q: There are people who say that they have a right to feel that way because they have been victimized or are continuing to be victimized. What do you say to that?
A: They are right. They have a right to feel that way; however they should be ready for the "What the fuck?!" moments.
Q: Please explain.
A: The moments when someone you knew, who endured a similar or more intense crucible than you, overcomes their obstacles and do the things that you always wanted to do but you thought you could not do, or you were scared to do.
Q: Have you experienced those "What the fuck?!" moments?
A: Yes, starting in 2012, and it magnified by 2013.
Q: So you used to have a victim mentality?
A: Yes, in my early adulthood.
Q: What was it like?
A: On the plus, I could always find someone who will had sympathy for me because of the things that I endured. On the minus, I behaved in petulant ways and blamed it on what I had been through. Yet at the same time, I wondered why my college experience was not as fun as everyone else's.
Q: What happened in 2012 and 2013 when you had those moments?
A: On Facebook, I would see pictures of people that went school with me get their Bachelor degrees, Master degrees, etc. And by January 2013, I looked up and saw that the people that I had went school with had gotten their degrees, were living in their own places, and there were those who had families of their own. And there I was: 23, no degree, no job experience other than Wendy's, basically nothing to show for my time at my last college.
Q: Do you think that your attitude played a part in that scenario?
A: My attitude played 100% a part in it. With the right attitude, I would have gotten a job, did some community service, attended more campus events, behaved a hell of a lot better, and did some extracurricular activities, besides LEGASI (Leading in the Education of Gay And Straight Individuals) and concert choir.
Q: Getting back to victim mentality, what are the pros and cons?
A: Pro, a hell of a lot of sympathy from people, unless you're looking for it in military school. Pro, no accountability for your actions. Con, your ambitions will remain unfulfilled. Con, your dreams will not become realities. Con, you will lose out on opportunities, good relationships, and eventually you will lose respect as your Harry Hard Luck and Sally Sob Story becomes played out like Mary J. Blige's "I'm Goin' Down" song.
Q: So back to changing poison into medicine, how have you begun to do that?
A: As I mentioned in my "30 Months of Daimoku" blog, I chanted for the happiness of everyone in high school who ridiculed me. As a result, I made peace with my experience little by little, and little by little I changed. I began to exude more compassion and wisdom. I began to show more respect to people. I can truly say that I like the person that I am becoming.
Q: I like that person too. Thank you.
A: You're welcome. And thank you.
A: My definition of it is taking a situation that naturally would harm you emotionally and turning it into motivation to become happier. By happier, I mean wiser, braver, more compassionate, and more empowered than ever before.
Q: Have you, yourself underwent this? If so, how did you do it?
A: Yes, I have underwent this. I will continue to undergo this. I did it by chanting nam myoho renge kyo.
Q: How does it work?
A: Let's say that somebody did something to hurt your feelings or enrage you. You chant nam myoho renge kyo for their happiness. As you chant nam myoho renge kyo over and over, the intensity of the pain subsides, you become wiser, more compassionate, and more understanding. As a result, the pain ceases to overwhelm you, or cloud your view of the person who hurt you.
Q: What if one does not want to undergo this process? What if they think that this is bunk?
A: Well that is their choice. This is not and should not be treated as a compulsory act. If the person does not wish to do it, then that is their choice. I just hope that they are ready for the possible results.
Q: What are the alternative results?
A: Basically, misery, though misery manifests in different ways depending on the personality. Some people become volatile; some people become depressed. But it all boils down to misery. Also, this misery is a part of this phenomena called victim mentality. Victim mentality is when one feels that they are oppressed or affronted, are the victims of other people's negative actions, and act like that is the case. Even when there is no evidence corroborating the feeling.
Q: There are people who say that they have a right to feel that way because they have been victimized or are continuing to be victimized. What do you say to that?
A: They are right. They have a right to feel that way; however they should be ready for the "What the fuck?!" moments.
Q: Please explain.
A: The moments when someone you knew, who endured a similar or more intense crucible than you, overcomes their obstacles and do the things that you always wanted to do but you thought you could not do, or you were scared to do.
Q: Have you experienced those "What the fuck?!" moments?
A: Yes, starting in 2012, and it magnified by 2013.
Q: So you used to have a victim mentality?
A: Yes, in my early adulthood.
Q: What was it like?
A: On the plus, I could always find someone who will had sympathy for me because of the things that I endured. On the minus, I behaved in petulant ways and blamed it on what I had been through. Yet at the same time, I wondered why my college experience was not as fun as everyone else's.
Q: What happened in 2012 and 2013 when you had those moments?
A: On Facebook, I would see pictures of people that went school with me get their Bachelor degrees, Master degrees, etc. And by January 2013, I looked up and saw that the people that I had went school with had gotten their degrees, were living in their own places, and there were those who had families of their own. And there I was: 23, no degree, no job experience other than Wendy's, basically nothing to show for my time at my last college.
Q: Do you think that your attitude played a part in that scenario?
A: My attitude played 100% a part in it. With the right attitude, I would have gotten a job, did some community service, attended more campus events, behaved a hell of a lot better, and did some extracurricular activities, besides LEGASI (Leading in the Education of Gay And Straight Individuals) and concert choir.
Q: Getting back to victim mentality, what are the pros and cons?
A: Pro, a hell of a lot of sympathy from people, unless you're looking for it in military school. Pro, no accountability for your actions. Con, your ambitions will remain unfulfilled. Con, your dreams will not become realities. Con, you will lose out on opportunities, good relationships, and eventually you will lose respect as your Harry Hard Luck and Sally Sob Story becomes played out like Mary J. Blige's "I'm Goin' Down" song.
Q: So back to changing poison into medicine, how have you begun to do that?
A: As I mentioned in my "30 Months of Daimoku" blog, I chanted for the happiness of everyone in high school who ridiculed me. As a result, I made peace with my experience little by little, and little by little I changed. I began to exude more compassion and wisdom. I began to show more respect to people. I can truly say that I like the person that I am becoming.
Q: I like that person too. Thank you.
A: You're welcome. And thank you.
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