Things Fall Apart

By intuition, I bought Iyanla Vanzant's book Peace From Broken Pieces.  I'm not finished reading it, but so far the book has caused me to assess my own life.  What I now realize was that my life did not fall apart in 2013.  It began to fall apart in 2010, the moment I confronted the reality that I was attracted to the same sex.  Through my parents, and their circle, I had been given the message that to be gay was the most contemptuous thing to ever be.  To be gay was like being a leper or an untouchable in a caste system.

 For years, I believed being attracted to the same sex determined what I could or could not be.  I believed that I could not remain the same young man who loved country music, because country music talked about love and family; and I had been conditioned to believe that love was between man and woman and that family was having children, biological or surrogate.  I believed that I could never make my parents proud ever again, because I had been conditioned to believe that no matter what amazing things people did, to love the same sex was like an ink splotch on a white tapestry.  I believed that I would never become happy, because 90% of the narratives of homosexuals that I had heard of either died from AIDS complications, was murdered, or assaulted in one way or another.

With that message, which really wrecked my self-esteem, I began to devolve, with every slight and with every tragedy. Now add to this, an adolescence of being shamed, bullied, and physically and emotionally abused.  My behavior at Norfolk State began to go South.  My maturity level stalled.

That is how I went from a 19-year-old promising young man going off to college, to a 23-year-old man still living with his mother and with not much to show the years he had been in college.  (Talk about peeling back layers).  And while my life hasn't been fully rebuilt, I can truly say that I love this new foundation.  This new foundation is nam myoho renge kyo.  This new foundation says that life s worth more than gold.  This new foundation is built on the awareness of being a part of Myoho-renge-kyo, and being Myoho-renge-kyo.  This new foundation is built on the dragon king's daughter proving that one can attain Buddhahood (becoming truly happy) in this lifetime.  This new foundation is built upon the knowledge of an infinite connection with the World Honored One that has spanned lifetime after lifetime.  This new foundation is built on changing poison into medicine.