This is not going to be a victory. I'm just sharing this with you all in the hopes that maybe it will assist you in your life, as well as myself. I have been chanting nam myoho renge kyo with determination to forgive parents for some time now. As I do so, I have to constantly remind myself of the real definition of forgiveness. For those who don't know, forgiveness really means to let go of the resentment. In a nutshell. Let go of the resentment. Forgiveness is not saying that what someone did to you was okay. It was never a way of saying that what somebody did was okay.
For over a decade, I have heard so many blacks criticize other black people for being forgiving. Especially if the assailant was white. I even heard it from my own mother. However, through chanting nam myoho renge kyo to forgive my parents, and several other people from my past, I am beginning to think a hell of a lot clearer. This is quite evidential of Nichiren Daishonin's writings when he wrote "A mind now clouded by the illusions of the innate darkness of life is like a tarnished mirror, but when polished, it is sure to become like a clear mirror, reflecting the essential nature of phenomena and the true aspect of reality. Arouse deep faith, and diligently polish your mirror day and night. How should you polish it? Only by chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo." (WND-1, 4).
For those critics, and myself because I'd internalized it, forgiveness is not weak. Forgiveness is strong. The opposite of forgiveness is resentment, or as some would call it bitterness. Resentment (Bitterness) is not strong. It's self-inflicted poison. It poisons your relationships. It wrecks your health. It alienates the people in your life. Notice that I am saying your life. It's not wrecking your assailant(s)' lives. It's wrecking your life.
For those of you who are religious, resentment (bitterness) restricts your manifold benefits (blessings) to trinkets. As far health goes, when you are resentful (bitter), that's you dealing with headaches, ulcers, colitis, constipation, hypertension, insomnia, etc. As far as relationships go, not just romantic, but also platonic, people usually don't like being around resentful people. I lived with one for 27 years, which speaks volumes to my tendency to be resentful (bitter). Growing up, whenever I had an issue with friendships, I felt that I could not go to that person for advice. I could, but after listening to them talk about other interpersonal related issues, the last thing I wanted was a vitriolic, toughen up, to hell with them kind of message. (Side note: for those who are parents, there are children who have extra sensory perception, and they can and will pick up on your virulence. I was one of those.).
For "activists", especially pro-blacks, resentment (bitterness) will poison your initiatives. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have read many pro-black comments and posts, listened to pro-black vlogs and lectures that turned out to be defeatist whiny ass manifestos. The good ones laid blame on black LGBT, and black women who did not look like a 1974 Angela Davis. And the best ones had conspiracy theories. Maybe this is corroborative of the fact that resentment (bitterness) just gives you an excuse to shift the blame for your misery.
Also activists, your resentment (bitterness) will keep you from changing poison into medicine. Before the late Mamie Till-Mobley, mother of Emmett Till, had made the decision to have her son's battered and mangled 14-year-old corpse exposed for the world to see what had happened to him, she had to forgive Roy Bryant and J.W. Milam. She said so at her last appearance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q3ZOCjkEwY&t=55s
While it never brought Emmett back, or took away the vicious assault he suffered on the basis of a lie, Mamie was able to go on with her life and influence so many young people as a teacher. And her decision was the catalyst for the Civil Rights movement to really score victories for African Americans in the U.S.A. That's an activist move for you.
For me personally, resentment has caused me to take for granted opportunities that came my way. It was another reason why my growth in my early to mid-twenties were restricted. Just so you all know, resentment is not a shield against future hurts. It just robs you of future opportunities. You will find yourself being the person Greyson Chance was singing about in his song "Waiting Outside the Lines".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AU1yyy_At4
And as I write this blog, the Iyanla Vanzant quote is really validated, "There is no greater battle in life than the battle between the parts of you that want to be healed and the parts of you that are comfortable and content being broken."
For those who still wish to contend that forgiveness is bunk and for the weak after reading this, well that's your choice. However I think both of our lives are far too great to allow atrophy to set in because we were too stubborn to change.
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