Bad Karma Is Like Failure: It's Not a Finality

This morning I was doing my morning chanting of nam myho renge kyo when I was reminded of how many people in the U.S.A. think of karma.  One way is seen in our daily lives, we have heard people say, tweet, and comment, "Karma is a bitch!" whenever a horrible act is greeted upon someone who is known for partaking in similar disreputable activities.  Case in point, when Suge Knight was shot, that was the response of people in light of his history of violence.  The other way is when people hear the Buddhist perspective of karma in which one's current effects are a byproduct of causes in one's past and past lifetimes.  Upon hearing that, there are many who react with ire or defeatism.  I did the former for a long time.
I will focus on the second U.S.A. view of karma.  As I grew to understand the benefits of chanting nam myoho renge kyo, one of the benefits that I was told by seniors in faith (those who have been practicing since the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s) was that I could change my karma.  Eventually through chanting and study (not for intellectual purposes, but for understanding), it sunk in that obstacles and difficulties are opportunities to change one's karma.  Understanding that was groundbreaking for me, being someone who prefer things to go smoothly and securely with the least amount of resistance possible.
While my karma has not totally changed, I notice a transformation comparing where I am now and where I was a junior at Norfolk State.  I notice a transformation comparing how I felt about high school back in 2014 and 2017.  Had I not picked up this practice, I would have been destined to devolve deeper into self-loathing, addiction, and eventually self-destruction.  I was destined to be like Phil Spector (before the Lana Clarkson murder): famous and lonely egomaniac. Nichiren Daishonin wrote in his letter "On Prayer": It makes no difference if the practitioner himself is lacking in worth, defective in wisdom, impure in his person and lacking virtue derived from observing the precepts.  So long as he chants Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, they will invariably protect him.  One does not throw away gold because the bag that holds it is dirty;one does not ignore the sandalwood trees because of the foul odor of the eranda trees around them; and one does not refuse to gather lotuses because the pond in the valley where they grow is not clean."
You might look at your current karma and think that it's some shit. (It's okay.  I did it before too).   However, through chanting nam myoho renge kyo, you will change your karma,  If you chant nam myoho renge kyo diligently, you will look back on this day and realize how you had changed your destiny for the better.  Bad karma is like failure.  If failure is not final, then bad karma is not final.  Therefore bad karma is not final.

Things Fall Apart

By intuition, I bought Iyanla Vanzant's book Peace From Broken Pieces.  I'm not finished reading it, but so far the book has caused me to assess my own life.  What I now realize was that my life did not fall apart in 2013.  It began to fall apart in 2010, the moment I confronted the reality that I was attracted to the same sex.  Through my parents, and their circle, I had been given the message that to be gay was the most contemptuous thing to ever be.  To be gay was like being a leper or an untouchable in a caste system.

 For years, I believed being attracted to the same sex determined what I could or could not be.  I believed that I could not remain the same young man who loved country music, because country music talked about love and family; and I had been conditioned to believe that love was between man and woman and that family was having children, biological or surrogate.  I believed that I could never make my parents proud ever again, because I had been conditioned to believe that no matter what amazing things people did, to love the same sex was like an ink splotch on a white tapestry.  I believed that I would never become happy, because 90% of the narratives of homosexuals that I had heard of either died from AIDS complications, was murdered, or assaulted in one way or another.

With that message, which really wrecked my self-esteem, I began to devolve, with every slight and with every tragedy. Now add to this, an adolescence of being shamed, bullied, and physically and emotionally abused.  My behavior at Norfolk State began to go South.  My maturity level stalled.

That is how I went from a 19-year-old promising young man going off to college, to a 23-year-old man still living with his mother and with not much to show the years he had been in college.  (Talk about peeling back layers).  And while my life hasn't been fully rebuilt, I can truly say that I love this new foundation.  This new foundation is nam myoho renge kyo.  This new foundation says that life s worth more than gold.  This new foundation is built on the awareness of being a part of Myoho-renge-kyo, and being Myoho-renge-kyo.  This new foundation is built on the dragon king's daughter proving that one can attain Buddhahood (becoming truly happy) in this lifetime.  This new foundation is built upon the knowledge of an infinite connection with the World Honored One that has spanned lifetime after lifetime.  This new foundation is built on changing poison into medicine.

Realization Inundation #2

I write these blogs in the hopes that maybe my experiences in faith will help someone else in their Buddhist practice, or maybe encourage others to take faith in chanting nam myoho renge kyo.  So today before my Chinese class, I had another realization.  For a long time, I thought that my unique character was a curse, because most of the narratives of unique people that I had read about turned out to have tragic endings.  People like W. A. Mozart, John Lennon, Janis Joplin, etc.  So for years, I had despised my existence.  I hated myself for not being like everyone else.  I hated myself for my nature.  So I did not believe that I deserved to be happy;  that I deserved a great romantic relationship; that i deserved a sense of fulfillment; that I deserved to be loved; that I deserved a good life; that I deserved a happy ending.  How tragic!  To spend so many years slandering my Buddha nature.  Now I understand what the World Honored One meant in the 16th chapter of The Lotus Sutra when he talked about the children being so sick and so delusional that they rejected his medicine.  Ignorace is one hell of a poison.

Realization Inundation #1

For months I have been chanting nam myoho renge kyo to change some painful aspects of my past into sources of benefit.  This morning when I woke up, I was reminded of something that TV personality, author, life coach, New Age spiritual leader Iyanla Vanzant said in her speech "Peace from Broken Pieces": When you live beyond what you think you can, should, or need to, you will blow your life up.  She recalled the time when she was fired from her talk show job with Buena Vista in 2001, and how 15 years earlier she was on welfare in the Projects.  After her termination from her job, Iyanla Vanzant realized that the woman that she was in the Projects did not believe that she deserved to be on TV, because that woman was  "friends with the voices from her past".  (For those who do not know, Iyanla had a troubled childhood plagued with abuse and denigration.  So the voices from the past are the words of the people who had abused and belittled her).
In relation to my own life, I realize that I was the same way.  The 21-year-old me at Norfolk State did not think that he deserved a choral scholarship, because that was going against his mother's urging that he stuck to playing the piano.  And because he did not think that he deserved it, he began to do things that he normally would not do like be late for a call time, and miss the final and salient performance of the school year due to bad communication.  The 23-year-old me did not think that he deserved to be at college #2 because he was openly gay, which flew right in the face of an expectation that he had in his teenage years to not be a black male stereotype (miscreant, unreliable, in a relationship with someone of another race, or a homosexual), and did not have a bachelor's like the rest of his former classmates.  I felt that I deserved nothing.  And because of this, that college  was a bust.  The voices that those two gentlemen were listening to were the voices of their parents' shaming and homophobic rhetoric.  Homophobia is a very detrimental and deleterious fundamental darkness.

My LGBTQ Experience: Whilst in the Midst of Winter

On the first Day of Kwanzaa, Umoja, in 2016 (December 26), the question was asked: what Macon, Georgia natives should do in order to promote unity?  I summoned up the courage, went to the microphone and said that there should be an embracing of Black people who were not Christian, Muslim, or Jew, and the Black LGBTQ.  The first one received much applause.  The second one did not.  I later explained to the host and his sons my reasons for doing that.  They understood.  My mother was upset to no end.  We argued about it that night.  No matter how much I explained it, she still said that it was wrong and unnecessary.  Needless to say, I was glad to be leaving Macon and going back to school.  However, I was still so upset about what had happened and the stress began to interfere with my schoolwork.  A lot of people said to give my mother time.  She would come around.  I've waited since I was 20 when I had told her that I liked men.  Since I was 20, Don't Ask Don't Tell was repealed; then president Obama expressed his approval of same-sex marriage; DOMA was repealed; Prop 8 in California was repealed; same sex marriage became legal in all 50 states.  So I thought, "How much longer does she need?  Will I have crow's feet by the time she comes around?  Or will I have to become another LGBTQ suicide statistic like Bobby Griffith?  Also, I was afraid that my parent problems and family karma would negatively impact and poison my romantic relationships.  Upon thinking that it might take for my mother to come around, I decided that it's time to begin severing my relationship with both parents after years of abuse and reinforced homophobia and shame.  On February 16, I received mail from my mother.  In it contained a homophobic article about how black men were being feminized.  The next day, I let my parents know that I wanted no further contact with them unless it was major news concerning my family.  Eventually, I decided to put the changing poison into medicine concept into practice, and chanted nam myoho renge kyo to turn my homophobic experiences into sources of benefit.  The following Sunday, I understood the impact of being another suicide statistic.  I realized that even if it did wake my mother up, it would come at the expense of hundreds if not thousands of people I've encountered being devastated.  Eventually, an idea came to me to chant to value my own life like it's $1,000,000.  (Of course when inflation happens, that number is going to go up).  One of the reasons that many LGBTQ youth leave a homophobic home or environment, move to a more accepting place, but yet descend a path of self-destruction and at times suicide is because after years of reinforced shame and maltreatment because of their sexual orientation, they internalize it and don't begin to value their lives.  As a result, they are in a different place, with the same mindset; thus they continue the devaluing of their lives.  There are moments when I feel overwhelmed by the homophobia, however I fight it through studying either The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin Volume 1, The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin Volume 2, or the  Living Buddhism editions from May 2015 to February 2017.  What sticks out is from the August 2015 edition in the "Wisdom for Creating Happiness and Peace" section.  In the section, Shinichi Yamamoto says to a widowed mother who was worried about the future, "Please don't worry.  As long as you continue exerting yourself in faith, you can definitely become happy.  That's what Buddhism is for.  Also, your current suffering and misfortune exist so that you may fulfill your own unique and noble mission.  Everything will turn to defeat if all you do is worry about your karma and let it make you miserable."  Also he says, "...if someone who had always lived like a queen and enjoyed every luxury were to say, 'I became happy as a result of my Buddhist practice,' no one would bat an eye.  But if a person who is sick, whose family is poor and who is shunned by people because of these things becomes happy through her Buddhist practice and goes on to become a leader in society, this will be splendid proof of the greatness of Nichiren Buddhism."  Finally the most compelling part was when he said, "Viewed from the profound perspective of Buddhism, your suffering is like that portrayed by an brilliant, highly successful stage actress cast in a role of a tragic heroine.  When the play is finished, the actress goes home to a life of ease and comfort.  Your life is the same.  Moreover, the play you are performing on the stage of life's theater is one that will have a happy ending.  There is no need to worry.  You will definitely become happy.  I say this with absolute certainty.  Just as a great actress relishes performing her tragic role, please enact a magnificent drama of human revolution in which you rise triumphantly from the depths of your sorrow...".

I will Sensei

My High School Experience

My high school experience (2004-2008) was one of being lonely, and physically and emotionally bullied.  I tried forgiving, but the pain persisted for seven years. Finally in 2015, I had heard of the concept of chanting nam myoho renge kyo for the happiness of people, especially those who hurt you.  I decided to give it a try in December of that year.  As I chanted for the happiness for them, initially I began to realize that the people who bullied me were not monsters.  They were just horribly misguided and mercurial teenagers like myself.  They were just acting out of ignorance.  Then I realized that I caused a lot of my own suffering due to my feelings of superiority and homophobia.   As I chanted, not only did I have these realizations, but the anger withered and I began to let go of pain that I had carried for 7-11 years. As my internal life began to change for the better, so did my external life.  I began to forge connections with people who initially had an aversion to me.  I began to be more understanding of people. And I began to really move on from high school.  Also, I began to change my karma.  In the sense that because my thoughts changed, my words toward people who hurt me became less derisive, less denigrating, and less virulent.  Because of  the change in my words, I handle situations that mirror the actions of those who hurt me, with more wisdom, compassion, and chanting for their happiness.  Because of the change in my actions, I am making chanting for the happiness of people a habit.  This has definitely benefited my character, and will continue to, and will benefit my destiny.  Nichiren wrote to Munenaka and Munenaga in the letter "Letter to the Brothers" on  page 497 of The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin Volume 1, "The blessings gained by practicing the correct teaching, however, are so great that by meeting minor sufferings in this life we can change the karma that destines us to suffer terribly in the future." I am convinced that had I not changed that karma, I would've been destined to a life of chaos, loneliness, and self-destruction.

280+ Inconspicuous Daimoku Challenge

With 2 weeks left until New Year's Day 2017, I am calling for a 280+ Inconspicuous Daimoku challenge.  Inconspicuous Daimoku is Daimoku that is not for any goal, desire, or need.  It is simply chanting Daimoku.  The purpose of this is to help you achieve benefits.  As Nichiren said in his letter, "Letter to the Lay Priest Domyo": Concerning prayer, there are conspicuous prayer and conspicuous response, conspicuous prayer and inconspicuous response, inconspicuous prayer and inconspicuous response, and inconspicuous prayer and conspicuous response.  But the only essential part is that, if you believe in this sutra, all your desires will be fulfilled in both the present and future.
The idea is that everyday you chant at least 20 times inconspicuous Daimoku.  I've been doing it throughout this year, and as a result, I have achieved bouts of clarity which has helped me understand myself better, and undergo human revolutions which led to tangible breakthroughs.  I am certain that it will work for all those who endeavor to do it.  And by work, I mean in terms of achieving clarity which will result in the changing of your thought pattern, which will result in the changing of your words, which will result in the changing of your actions  Thus, your results will be different. If you wish to do more than 20 inconspicuous Daimokus, be my guest.  The more you do, the better.  SO let's give it a try.  Oh, and share this challenge to as many people as you want.